Self-Esteem and Neurodivergence: Embracing Your Authentic Self
- Kaitlyn Boudreault
- 2 days ago
- 9 min read
Do you feel as if the way you view yourself changes from time to time?
Maybe you feel as if you can accomplish anything after you have aced an exam or job interview.
But this may change when the next test results in a failing grade. These setbacks with your daily work or school tasks can leave you lacking confidence and questioning your abilities.
These fluctuations in self-esteem can happen to anyone.
However, they are more common in neurodivergent individuals, largely due to living in a society that sees us as flawed.
If these feelings of low self-worth interfere with your daily life, seek support from a neurodiversity-affirming therapist to support you with embracing your authentic self.
Let’s delve further into self-esteem: what self-esteem is, how neurodivergence can influence self-image, and some strategies to improve your self-esteem.
What is Self-Esteem?
Before we explore how neurodivergence is connected to self-esteem, let's get to what self-esteem really is.
At the basic level, self-esteem refers to how much you value and believe in yourself and your abilities. It influences your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and can even shape how you approach challenges and neurodivergent relationships.
This concept of self-esteem exists on a spectrum both within and between individuals.
In this case, the same individual may experience changes with their self-esteem levels throughout the day. This is especially true if this individual is comparing themselves to others or they come across new challenges.
Over your lifespan, your self-esteem can also be influenced by various experiences, such as trauma, societal messages, or personal achievements.
When you have a healthy self-esteem, you are able to recognize and honour your strengths, accept and celebrate your imperfections, and maintain a positive outlook about your future goals.
Conversely, low self-esteem involves negative views about yourself, reduced academic performance, self-criticism, and a bleak outlook on your abilities and future potential.
Neurodivergence and neurodivergent were terms coined around 2000 by autistic rights advocate Kassiane Asasumasu.
Kassiane Asasumasu described neurodivergent as a term used to describe the natural variations in the nervous system. It recognizes that differences in how brains process, learn, and perceive the world are part of human diversity.
Neurodivergent individuals may face challenges in traditional settings, such as social interactions or executive functioning, which can impact self-esteem.
There are many neurodivergent identities, including:
Dyslexia
Dyspraxia
Epilepsy
And more
Rather than viewing these differences as deficits, Kassaine emphasizes that they are a natural spectrum of human variation that deserves to be celebrated.
Your neurodivergence is a part of your identity, not a flaw. Building a positive self-image involves understanding and appreciating your unique qualities.
Why Is Self-Esteem Important for Neurodivergent Individuals?
Your self-esteem is connected to all areas of your life. Having healthy self-esteem can support you in various areas, including:
Having Confidence in Abilities: Believing in your skills encourages you to pursue goals in the workplace and in everyday life activities. This confidence allows you to feel confident taking on new challenges.
Adversity: A healthy self-view helps you cope with setbacks and keep pushing forward to achieve your goals.
Relationship Building: Feeling good about yourself fosters healthier relationships. This is because you're more likely to set boundaries and communicate your needs. Doing this reduces your risk of burnout.
Overall Well-Being: Positive self-esteem contributes to mental health and reduces your risks of anxiety, depression, or burnout.
What Causes Low Self-Esteem for Neurodivergent Individuals?
Various factors may contribute to a reduction in self-esteem among a neurodivergent individual, including:
Comparison to Neurotypical Peers: Comparing yourself to the standards set out by society around social interactions, hygiene, time management, and more may reinforce feelings of inadequacy.
Difficulty Accessing Support: Neurodivergence may be considered a disability if it interferes with your day-to-day functioning. You may require accommodations to be able to achieve your goals. However, if you are not provided with appropriate support, it can reduce your self-esteem.
Sensory and Social Differences: As you navigate social interactions and sensory sensitivities, you may feel "different" or less than. These experiences can cause you to feel inadequate and experience low self-esteem.
Experiences of Bullying or Exclusion: Neurodivergent individuals are more likely to experience exclusion and bullying. Experiencing rejection on a repeated basis within social settings may cause you to feel worthless.
Academic or Occupational Challenges: You may experience challenges in traditional learning environments or workplaces. This may reduce your ability to achieve within these environments, which may cause low self-esteem.
Internalized Negative Messages: Society often promotes certain messages about what success entails. These standards are often difficult for neurodivergent individuals to achieve because they are based on societal norms that view neurodivergence as flawed. As a result, neurodivergent individuals may view themselves as flawed and experience low self-esteem.
Experiences of Stigma: Experiencing stigma related to neurodivergence may cause you to feel ashamed of yourself. For instance, you may feel as if you are lazy versus when others don’t understand that you can’t just will yourself to do a task and that your executive dysfunction challenges are not your fault.
In a neurodiversity-affirming model, we would also consider how embracing the unique strengths of neurodivergent individuals would lead to an increase in self-esteem among neurodivergent individuals.
What are the Impacts of Low Self-Esteem Among Neurodivergent Individuals?
If you experience self-esteem challenges on a consistent basis, this may impact your life in various ways, such as:
Reduced Motivation: If you feel incapable of achieving your goals, you may start to lose the motivation to continue everyday tasks.
Social Withdrawal: As a result of low self-esteem, you may start to avoid social situations to escape any criticism or rejection you may experience while working toward a goal.
Increased Anxiety and Depression: Low self-esteem and negative thoughts about yourself can increase your risk for various mental health challenges, including anxiety and depression.
Difficulty in Decision-Making: When you lack confidence, you may start to doubt that the decisions you are making are the right ones. This may impact your decision-making abilities and cause you to make more mistakes when making decisions.
Negative Body and Self-Image: Viewing yourself in a negative light that occurs as a result of low self-esteem.
Neurodivergent individuals may also engage in coping mechanisms that may include behaviours like avoidance, self-criticism, or substance use. This can further impact your well-being in a negative manner.
Strategies to Cultivate Positive Self-Esteem for Neurodivergent Folks
Building and maintaining your self-esteem as a neurodivergent individual will require a multifaceted approach that respects your neurodivergent identity. Here are several strategies that you can choose from to help you boost your self-image.
Practice Self-Compassion
According to Dr.Kristin Neff, the pioneer of self-compassion, this concept involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would give to a friend, especially during difficult times.
Instead of criticizing your neurodivergent challenges in an unhealthy way, you can focus on recognizing and accepting that everyone has imperfections and challenges and that these are part of being human. You are not an exception to this fact.
Cultivating self-compassion will help you reduce feelings of shame and empower you to face challenges in a more gentle way.
Having a large goal in front of you can feel overwhelming and may cause you to feel worthless when you are unable to achieve this goal all at once. Instead of beating yourself up, break down larger ambitions into smaller, manageable steps that are achievable within a realistic timeframe.
Celebrate each milestone you reach along the way. This helps give you confidence and motivation. These small wins accumulate over time and can lead to meaningful change. This approach encourages patience and persistence, which are vital for long-term self-esteem.
Challenge Negative Self-Talk
We all have harmful thoughts that may reduce our confidence in our ability. Focus on becoming aware of these thoughts that undermine your confidence. One key thought among neurodivergent individuals is “I’m not enough.” Actively question these beliefs and replace them with evidence-based, positive statements. Changing the way you view yourself within your mind will help you to promote a healthier self-image and reduce feelings of inadequacy.
Create a Personal Affirmations List
Affirmations are short statements that help to promote a positive message. If you are experiencing low self-esteem, try to write down some positive statements about yourself. These statements may be things such as “I am capable” or “I am enough.”
Choose a short list of affirmations that resonate with you and then repeat them daily to yourself. Positive messages such as these can help to counteract negative beliefs about yourself and reinforce your positive thoughts about your self-worth.
When you repeat these messages over an extended period of time, your nervous system may rewire to recognize these patterns and promote a more compassionate and confident view of yourself.
Limit Social Media Use
Neurodivergent individuals, especially ADHDers, have a tendency to doomscroll. As a result, you may use social media as a means to compare yourself to other people.
These unrealistic standards can cause you to feel inadequate because they distort your perception of yourself.
To reduce these negative feelings about yourself, you can reduce your time spent on platforms that promote these unrealistic standards.
Instead, focus on nourishing connections within your life that are authentic and that help you achieve positive self-esteem. focus on authentic connections and activities that nourish your mental health.
Surround Yourself with Supportive People
Positive connections increase the release of oxytocin, which promotes bonding and can improve your mood.
As a result, you may wish to spend time with your friends, family, or community members that accept you for who you are. At the same time, you will want to distance yourself from individuals that make you feel bad about yourself.
Building a supportive network will help to provide feelings of validation and emotional safety and help to reinforce your worth.
Fitness causes the release of various feel-good neurotransmitters, including dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. These neurotransmitters help to boost your mood and can have a positive impact on your confidence levels.
Beyond physical benefits, regular activity can improve body image, reinforce a sense of accomplishment, and promote positive self-esteem.
Practice Mindfulness and Meditation
Negative thoughts may cause you to experience low self-esteem. Regularly engaging in mindfulness practices may help you to increase your awareness of these negative thoughts and feelings and to allow these feelings to be without judgment.
Over time, mindfulness helps to foster acceptance of yourself and allows you to respond to your challenges with compassion. This could also improve your self-esteem.
Develop Self-Acceptance
There is not an individual on earth that does not have their own flaws. Your flaws and quirks are what make you unique.
Accepting your imperfections reduces your level of self-criticism and may allow you to live life more authentically. When you live life in an authentic way, you are no longer trying to be someone you are not. This mindset fosters inner peace and a stronger sense of worth.
Set Boundaries
People-pleasers are often individuals that have low self-esteem. Never saying no can drain your energy and lead to burnout. Learn to say no to things that will drain you.
These boundaries help to protect your emotional health and affirm that you are worthy of putting yourself first and having limits and needs.
It’s about respecting your needs and values, even when others expect you to conform to what they want. Strong boundaries empower you to prioritize yourself and reinforce your sense of agency, which is vital for healthy self-esteem.
Avoid Comparing Yourself to Others
You have likely heard of the saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” but what does this really mean?
When you continually compare yourself to what others are doing or achieving, you are going to consistently feel as if you can be doing more. Comparison will cause feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your own journey. Celebrate your progress and how far you have come. Embracing your own journey will work to foster authenticity and strengthen your confidence in your own path.
Challenging Societal Norms to Improve Self-Esteem
Society often expects all individuals to conform to certain norms. These rules usually dictate how you can act, communicate, and interact with others.
When someone is behaving in a way that is not aligned with these norms, they may be labeled as strange. As a result, people may exclude them from their social groups.
However, this perspective is flawed. Each individual in society brings their own values, perspectives, strengths, weaknesses, and more. Expecting everyone to fit into this narrow definition of norm actually disregards this diversity and can cause harm.
When everyone is the same, it makes it so your group is limiting itself in the views and skills it has to achieve better outcomes.
Challenging these norms involves acceptance of all ways of being so that we create a more diverse and stronger society where everyone succeeds.
Book a Consultation with a Neurodiversity-Inclusive Therapist
Are you feeling overwhelmed by negative self-esteem related to your neurodivergence?
Do societal expectations hold you back from embracing your true self?
At Blue Sky Learning, there is a team of compassionate professionals that understands neurodivergence and the unique challenges it brings.
You can book a free 20-minute consultation by emailing hello@blueskylearning.ca, calling 1 (437) 291-8807, or visiting our website below.