Self-Esteem and Neurodivergence: Embracing Your Authentic Self

Kaitlyn Boudreault
May 16
6 min read

Updated: Jun 8

Do you feel like your view of yourself fluctuates throughout the day?

Maybe you feel as if you can accomplish anything after acing an exam or job interview, but that confidence can shift quickly after a setback — like receiving a failing grade or struggling with executive function tasks.

These emotional ups and downs are normal, but they tend to be more frequent and intense for neurodivergent individuals, especially in a society that often labels neurodivergent traits as flaws.

If these feelings of low self-worth are interfering with your daily life, it might be time to seek support from a neurodiversity-affirming therapist who understands how to guide you in reclaiming and embracing your authentic self.

Neurodivergent individual showing self-compassion to themselves to improve self-esteem

Let’s delve into what self-esteem is, how it connects to neurodivergence, and practical strategies to boost self-worth in neurodivergent individuals.

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem refers to how much you value yourself, believe in your abilities, and feel worthy of success and belonging. It influences how you think, feel, behave, and navigate relationships, school, and work.

Self-esteem exists on a spectrum, and the same individual may experience changes based on life events, such as trauma, social exclusion, or personal achievements.

Healthy self-esteem allows you to recognize and honour your strengths, accept and celebrate your imperfections, and maintain a positive outlook about your future goals.

On the other hand, low self-esteem, especially in neurodivergent individuals, can lead to chronic self-criticism, reduced academic performance, and a bleak outlook on the future.

What Does Neurodivergent Mean?

The term neurodivergent was coined by autistic rights advocate Kassiane Asasumasu around 2000 to describe the natural diversity in how people think, learn, and experience the world.

Neurodivergent identities include, but are not limited to:

ADHD
Autism
Dyslexia
Depression
Dyspraxia
Bipolar Disorder
Epilepsy
Anxiety

Rather than viewing these differences as deficits, Kassaine emphasized neurodivergence as a form of human diversity.

Neurodivergence and self-esteem are deeply connected. In a world not designed for neurodivergent minds, individuals may experience social exclusion, masking, internalized stigma, or executive dysfunction—all of which can damage your self-image.

Why Is Self-Esteem Important for Neurodivergent Individuals?

Healthy self-esteem plays a crucial role in every part of life:

Confidence in Abilities: Belief in your abilities helps you pursue goals in the workplace and take on new challenges, even in the face of systemic challenges.
Adversity: A positive self-view helps regulate emotions after setbacks.
Stronger Relationships: Healthy self-esteem fosters healthier relationships, through boundary setting and the clear communication of needs.
Overall Well-Being: It lowers the risks of anxiety, depression, or emotional exhaustion.

What Causes Low Self-Esteem for Neurodivergent Individuals?

Low self-esteem in neurodivergent people is often shaped by:

Comparisons to Neurotypical Norms: Expectations around productivity, social cues, and executive functioning often leave neurodivergent people feeling inadequate.
Lack of Accommodations: Neurodivergence may be considered a disability if it interferes with your day-to-day functioning. When neurodivergence is not supported or understood, individuals may internalize blame for challenges that are not their fault.
Sensory and Social Differences: Difficulty navigating traditional environments and sensory sensitivities can fuel the feeling of being “too much” or “not enough.”
Academic or Workplace Challenges: When institutions aren’t designed for neurodivergent minds, performance and confidence may suffer.
Internalized Ableism and Stigma: Society often promotes certain messages about what success entails. Messages that equate neurodivergence with failure can erode neurodivergent self-worth over time. As a result, neurodivergent individuals may view themselves as flawed and experience low self-esteem.
Bullying and Exclusion: Repeated rejection can lead to a belief that one’s authentic self is unworthy or unlovable. For instance, you may feel as if you are lazy because others don't understand that executive dysfunction challenges are not your fault.

In a neurodiversity-affirming model, we would consider how embracing the unique strengths of neurodivergent individuals would lead to increased self-esteem.

Impacts of Low Self-Esteem on Neurodivergent People

Chronic low self-esteem can impact:

Motivation and energy
Social connection and vulnerability to isolation
Mental health (increased risk of anxiety, depression, and burnout)
Decision-making (due to self-doubt or fear of failure)
Body image and identity
Coping patterns, such as avoidance or negative self-talk

Strategies to Build Positive Self-Esteem as a Neurodivergent Person

Building and maintaining your self-esteem as a neurodivergent individual will require a multifaceted approach that respects your neurodivergent identity. Here are neurodiversity-affirming ways to support your emotional well-being and self-image:

Practice Self-Compassion

According to Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you'd offer a friend during difficult times.

Instead of self-criticism, recognize and accept that imperfection is part of being human. You are not an exception to this fact. Self-compassion reduces shame and empowers you to face challenges with grace.

Set Realistic, Achievable Goals

Large, undefined goals can feel overwhelming and may cause you to feel worthless. Instead of beating yourself up, break goals into smaller steps and celebrate each milestone.

These wins help:

Build patience, confidence, and motivation
Produce meaningful change
Show that progress matters more than perfection.

Challenge Negative Self-Talk

We all have harmful thoughts that may reduce our confidence in our ability. Focus on becoming aware of these thoughts that undermine your confidence.

Neurodivergent individuals often struggle with thoughts like “I’m not good enough.” Begin to recognize and question these thoughts. Replace them with evidence-based, positive affirmations rooted in truth.

Create a Personal Affirmations List

Affirmations are short statements that help to promote a positive message. Affirmations like “I am capable” or “I bring value by being me” can help shift your inner dialogue and counteract negative beliefs about yourself.

Choose a short list of affirmations that resonate with you and then repeat them daily to yourself. When you repeat these messages daily your brain can rewire with consistent practice and will begin to default to compassion over self-judgment.

Limit Social Media Use

Neurodivergent individuals, especially ADHDers, are prone to doomscrolling or harmful comparisons on social media. These unrealistic standards can cause feelings of inadequacy and a distorted self-perception.

To reduce these negative feelings about yourself, reduce your screen time and focus on nourishing connections within uplifting, affirming spaces instead.

Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Positive connections increase the release of oxytocin, which can improve your mood.

Spend time with people who validate your neurodivergence, while distancing yourself from individuals that make you feel bad about yourself.

Essentially, build a community that respects your needs, values your insights, and encourages authenticity.

Engage in Fitness Activities

Movement boost your mood and confidence levels through the release of the feel-good neurotransmitters, dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins.

Choose activities you enjoy. Fitness also helps reduce stress, reinforce a sense of accomplishment, and enhance body image.

Practice Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness allows you to be aware of and observe negative thoughts and feelings without judgment.

Over time, this practice helps to foster self-acceptance, self-compassion, emotional regulation, and enhanced self-esteem.

Embrace Self-Acceptance

There is not an individual on earth that does not have flaws. Your quirks and differences make you unique, not broken.

Accepting your true self and mistakes reduces self-criticism and allows you to stop masking, live more authentically, and reclaim your sense of worth.

Set Boundaries

Low self-esteem can lead to people-pleasing. Never saying no can drain your energy and lead to burnout. Learn to say “no” and protect your energy and emotional health.

Boundaries affirm that your needs and values matter, and that you deserve respect and space to be your authentic self without conforming to what others expect of you. They also empower you to prioritize yourself and reinforce your sense of agency.

Avoid Comparing Yourself to Others

You have likely heard of the saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” but what does this really mean?

Constant comparison fosters feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

Instead of comparing yourself to others, celebrate your own progress, and honour your personal growth journey, which helps to foster authenticity and strengthen your confidence in your own path.

Challenging Societal Norms That Harm Self-Esteem

Society often expects people to fit narrow molds of behaviour, success, and communication.

If someone behaves in a way that is counter to these norms, they may be labeled as strange or excluded from the social group.

But these norms are flawed and exclude and harm neurodivergent people. Everyone brings their own valuable perspectives and talents. Expecting everyone to fit into this narrow definition of norm disregards this diversity and limits the potential of the group.

Challenging these standards means embracing diversity of thought and advocating for environments that allow everyone to thrive.