Common Borderline Personality Disorder Myths: Misconceptions About BPD Debunked
- Kaitlyn Boudreault
- 6 days ago
- 12 min read
Borderline personality disorder, or BPD, is likely a term you have heard of at some point in your life.
Perhaps you have heard someone describe a person with borderline personality disorder as “manipulative,” “attention-seeking,” or “dangerous.”
Maybe you know someone who thinks that those with borderline personality disorder can’t recover or maintain relationships, or that they are simply “too emotional.”
If so, you’re not the only one with this view of BPD.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is one of the most misunderstood and stigmatized mental health conditions, and media portrayals of the condition don’t help much. They often show outdated and harmful myths, which can impact how people with BPD are treated by society.
However, in recent years, growing research, lived experience advocacy, and increased understanding and awareness surrounding borderline personality disorder have helped improve society's understanding of this condition.
For example, we know that globally, approximately 1–2% of Canadians experience BPD. There tend to be higher rates observed in clinical settings.
But despite this growing awareness, many individuals who live with BPD still report experiencing stigma and misinformation. The misconceptions surrounding BPD often make it difficult for individuals to seek support, receive an accurate diagnosis, access neurodiversity-affirming therapy, or feel included within society.
During Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Month, this May and beyond, we have a team of Canada-based neurodivergent-affirming therapists dedicated to challenging these myths and promoting understanding.
Read on to explore this edition of our neurodiversity-affirming blog, where we debunk 15 common myths about borderline personality disorder.
Myths about Borderline Personality Disorder
While society can celebrate the positive strides we have made in relation to increased awareness of borderline personality disorder, there is still a lot of work to be done to debunk the myths.
Let’s explore 15 common myths about BPD and challenge them with facts.
Myth #1: Borderline Personality Disorder Isn’t a Real Diagnosis
The myth that BPD isn’t a real diagnosis often stems from the harmful belief that BPD is a choice or that people use it as an excuse for “dramatic” behaviour rather than it being a legitimate mental health condition.
However, these stereotypes aren’t accurate.
For many years now, borderline personality disorder has been known as a mental health diagnosis.
BPD was introduced into the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Third Edition (DSM-III) as a mental health condition in the 1980s.
In the 1990s, the World Health Organization (WHO) also introduced BPD as a specific subtype under the broader classification of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder within the International Classification of Diseases, 10th Revision (ICD-10).
Several other revisions of the DSM and ICD to date have recognized BPD as a valid mental health diagnosis.
The DSM-5 is usually used by mental health professionals in Canada, the USA, and some other countries, whereas the ICD-11 is usually used by professionals in the United Kingdom. Mental health professionals primarily use these manuals to clinically diagnose mental health conditions.
Within this criterion, BPD involves persistent difficulties with emotional regulation, relationships, self-image, and impulsivity that significantly impact functioning and well-being.
Research also demonstrates differences in brain systems involved in emotion regulation and impulse control in people with BPD.
These brain differences and diagnostic criteria demonstrate that BPD is real and is not simply a choice or dramatic behaviour.
Myth #2: People With BPD Are Just Attention-Seeking or Manipulative
This belief is one of the most harmful and stigmatizing myths surrounding BPD.
Many people with BPD would likely love to believe that their behaviour could be changed with the flip of a switch. But this isn’t accurate.
People with BPD may have intense responses that you may see as out of proportion to how others would usually act, but this isn’t because they want to act this way or they are choosing to act this way.
BPD behaviours can be understood as responses to intense emotional distress, fear of abandonment, and difficulties regulating emotions, rather than attention-seeking or manipulation.
Individuals with BPD may also have experienced trauma in childhood. As a result, they may behave in ways that can best be understood as a trauma response, rather than deliberate attention seeking.
For example, someone with BPD may become highly distressed when they perceive abandonment or conflict in a relationship. Their reactions may reflect attempts to feel safe, connected, or emotionally regulated.
Using terms like “attention-seeking” can dismiss the real emotional suffering someone is experiencing and may discourage them from seeking support.
Myth #3: People With BPD Are Dangerous
One of the most widely held beliefs about people with mental health conditions is that they are violent or dangerous.
When movies and television shows frequently portray individuals with mental health conditions as violent, unstable, or dangerous, they reinforce these harmful stereotypes.
Although some people with BPD may experience intense anger or impulsivity, this does not mean they are inherently violent or unsafe.
People with BPD are also far more likely to harm themselves than other people.
Self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and emotional distress are common experiences for many individuals living with BPD. In fact, approximately 60-70% of those with BPD make a suicide attempt, and approximately 10% die by suicide.
Myth #4: Borderline Personality Disorder Is Untreatable
Since BPD doesn’t have a cure, many people mistakenly believe that no cure means that there is no treatment for BPD.
But a cure and treatment are two different things.
While treatment for BPD usually involves a long road to recovery, it is possible.
Many individuals experience an improvement in their symptoms over time when they receive appropriate support and evidence-based treatment.
Talk therapies, especially dialectical behaviour therapy, are often seen as the gold standard for BPD as they help to address the emotional intensity, address negative thoughts, and rewire neuropathways.
Some other talk therapies that may be of support for those with BPD include cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), compassion-focused therapy, and neurodiversity-affirming psychotherapy.
Individuals with BPD also frequently have co-occurring conditions, such as depression and anxiety, where medications may be able to help address these symptoms.
Myth #5: People With BPD Can’t Have Healthy Relationships
This misconception comes from the commonly held belief that the symptoms of BPD make those with BPD incapable of love, connection, or healthy relationships.
However, this isn’t true.
Although some of the symptoms of BPD, such as emotional dysregulation, fear of abandonment, impulsivity, and intense emotions, can sometimes make relationships more challenging to navigate, people with BPD can form meaningful, loving, and long-term relationships with support.
Support may involve a combination of therapy, communication skills, healthy coping strategies, and supportive and validating environments that help the individual with BPD feel safe and connected.
Myth #6: Only women have BPD
Historically, BPD has been diagnosed at higher rates in women. This has led people to believe that BPD is a condition that only women experience.
But research now suggests that BPD affects people of all genders at very similar rates to what was previously believed.
Misogyny in the medical field played a role in more women being diagnosed with BPD. Gender bias has long permeated the medical and psychiatric fields, leading to the disproportionate diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in women and diagnostic overshadowing.
Research suggests that patriarchal norms and historical stereotypes frequently cause clinicians to pathologize women's emotional responses.
Another reason for gender biases may be that men with BPD are often misdiagnosed or underdiagnosed because their symptoms present differently.
Women and assigned-female-at-birth (AFAB) individuals are more likely to display internalized symptoms of BPD, such as emotional instability, self-harm, or chronic feelings of emptiness.
On the other hand, men and assigned-male-at-birth (AMAB) individuals are more likely to display externalized symptoms, such as anger, impulsivity, or substance use.
For this reason, men and AMAB individuals are frequently misdiagnosed with impulse control disorders rather than BPD.
Because early BPD research focused heavily on women, there is still a need for more research surrounding how BPD presents across genders, cultures, and identities.
Myth #7: Only women have BPD
When it comes to the cause of BPD, many people mistakenly believe that BPD is solely a trauma response or that the only thing that can cause BPD is childhood trauma.
Trauma is absolutely a risk factor for BPD, particularly for those who have experienced abuse, neglect, invalidation, bullying, or abandonment. Those with BPD are thirteen times more likely to report having experienced childhood trauma.
But trauma is not the sole cause of BPD, and viewing BPD this way is narrow.
Not everyone with BPD has experienced trauma, and not everyone who experiences trauma develops BPD.
Current research suggests that BPD develops through a complex interaction of factors, including:
Genetics: Personality disorders may be inherited or strongly related to other mental health conditions among family members.
Brain structure and function: There are some areas of the brain that may differ in those with BPD.
The causes of BPD are multifactorial, and there is no single cause that all researchers see among all people with BPD.
Myth #8: Teenagers Can’t Be Diagnosed With BPD
There has been a long-standing debate among experts as to whether teenagers should be diagnosed with BPD.
Some people believe that BPD should only be diagnosed in adults because emotional changes and identity development are part of adolescence, and therefore, experiencing challenges with emotional regulation or self-image shouldn’t be seen as BPD.
But there is research to suggest that it is important to diagnose and treat individuals with BPD early, especially if they are showing signs in adolescence.
Diagnostic guidelines support the diagnosis of BPD in adolescents when symptoms are persistent, impair functioning, and have been present over time.
The DSM-5 requires that the traits be present for at least one year. However, the DSM-5 does not prohibit diagnosing BPD in adolescents.
Ignoring symptoms because someone is “just a teenager” may delay treatment and increase emotional distress.
Myth #9: Everyone Is a Little Borderline Sometimes
While everyone can experience mood challenges or emotional dysregulation from time to time, BPD is different.
Experiencing emotional intensity, identity exploration, and mood fluctuations does not mean an individual meets the criteria for BPD.
To be diagnosed with BPD, the DSM-5 requires that there be persistent and clinically significant patterns of emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, relationship instability, identity disturbance, and distress.
These symptoms must improve functioning and last for at least a year. They go beyond the typical developmental changes that occur in early adulthood and adolescence. The symptoms also go beyond the challenges of daily life in adulthood.
Myth #10: Diagnosing BPD is Harmful or Stigmatizing
Some experts are wary about diagnosing BPD because they worry that the label could cause stigma toward the individual.
Although the individual may experience an increase in stigmatizing attitudes, a diagnosis can also bring benefits that outweigh this.
For example, before a diagnosis of BPD, someone may have already been labeled as “emotional,” “disruptive,” “rude,” “impulsive,” “manipulative,” “attention-seeking,” or other negative phrases or words.
The label of BPD may help others understand that what this individual is experiencing is the result of a real mental health diagnosis, not personality flaws or a choice to engage in bad behaviour.
Avoiding diagnosis can also prevent individuals from accessing appropriate treatment, psychoeducation, and support.
Receiving a diagnosis can provide community support, relief from self-blame, access to treatment, understanding, and validation for why they have been struggling all these years.
Given that the stigma surrounding BPD continues to exist, the stigma is the thing to try to solve, rather than avoiding diagnosis altogether.
Myth #11: People With BPD Are Choosing Their Behaviour
People often assume that the symptoms of BPD, including the emotional outbursts, impulsivity, or relationship challenges, are intentional choices.
But those with BPD are experiencing symptoms of a mental health condition. They aren’t choosing their behaviours.
Many individuals with BPD also engage in behaviours that others may consider maladaptive as a way to cope, survive, or regulate emotions during stressful situations.
Myth #12: BPD Means That Someone Has a Bad Personality
Sometimes people think that because a diagnosis contains the word “personality,” it means that an individual is inherently flawed or bad.
For example, the name “borderline personality disorder” can often contribute to this misunderstanding.
There is also growing discussion about whether the term “borderline personality disorder” should eventually be replaced, as some believe that it may be a subtype of complex post-traumatic stress disorder.
In other words, BPD symptoms are a response to prolonged stress or negative experiences, not a “bad personality.”
People with BPD deserve compassion, support, and understanding, not judgment.
Myth #13: Self-Harm Automatically Means Someone Has BPD
Although self-harm is more common in those with BPD than in the general population, self-harm is also common in individuals with other mental health conditions, such as:
Depression
PTSD
Eating disorders
Trauma-related conditions
Other mental health conditions
Individuals without any history of mental health conditions can also self-harm when they experience conditions that result in distress.
It is also entirely possible to have BPD and never engage in self-harm, as BPD includes several symptoms that extend beyond self-harm. The experiences of BPD are complex and cannot be reduced to one symptom.
Myth #14: People With BPD Are Always in a Crisis
While individuals with BPD are more likely to experience suicidality, make suicide attempts, and die by suicide than the general population, people with BPD can experience periods of stability and recovery.
BPD symptoms can fluctuate over time, and many individuals learn effective coping strategies that help them avoid future crises or minimize their frequency and intensity.
Myth #15: BPD Is Rare
Many people assume that BPD is rare and that they can’t possibly experience BPD because of this.
But BPD is more common than these individuals realize.
Research estimates suggest that approximately 1–2% of the population experiences BPD.
Rates may also be higher than this because many people avoid a diagnosis due to stigma.
People may also be misdiagnosed, or their diagnosis may go unnoticed if they are “high-functioning.”
Many individuals with BPD are misdiagnosed with anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, or other mental health conditions before receiving an accurate diagnosis.
Myth #16: BPD and Bipolar Disorder Are the Same Thing
BPD and bipolar disorder are notoriously mistaken for one another, oftentimes because their acronyms are very similar.
Borderline personality disorder is often shortened to BPD, whereas bipolar disorder may be shortened to BD1 (bipolar disorder type 1) or BD2 (bipolar disorder type 2).
They are also frequently confused because they share similar symptoms.
Although bipolar disorder and BPD both can involve emotional intensity and mood changes, the conditions also involve differences.
Bipolar disorder involves distinct episodes of mania, hypomania, and depression that typically last for longer periods of time.
BPD, on the other hand, often involves rapid emotional shifts that are closely connected to interpersonal stress, fear of abandonment, or emotional triggers.
It is entirely possible to have both bipolar disorder and BPD, but many may have one condition and not the other, which is why accurate assessment is important.
Myth #17: People With BPD Can’t Work or Live Independently
Individuals with BPD experience different symptoms and varying severity of symptoms.
While some individuals with BPD may require ongoing support and may not be able to work or live independently, others can.
Support and treatment can help individuals improve functioning and stability so that they can maintain careers, pursue education, build healthy relationships, and live independently.
Related: Neurodiversity in the Workplace
Myth #18: Suicidal Threats From Someone With BPD Are Just Manipulation
This myth is not only untrue, but it can also cost lives.
Individuals with BPD are more likely to experience suicidal ideation and self-harm, attempt suicide, and die by suicide.
Suicidal threats should always be taken seriously, regardless of whether or not you believe they are real.
Dismissing someone’s distress as “attention-seeking” can increase risk and discourage them from reaching out for help.
People must get support and professional intervention regardless of your beliefs
surrounding why they may be expressing these thoughts or making threats.
Myth #19: Suicidal Threats From Someone With BPD Are Just Manipulation
Dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT) is often seen as the gold standard for BPD because it is well-known for being an effective treatment for many individuals with this condition.
However, DBT is not the only treatment for individuals with BPD. People with BPD may also engage in a variety of other evidence-based therapies. They may also attend support groups or receive medications for concurrent conditions.
Treatment should always be individualized to the person’s needs, experiences, strengths, and goals, and no two treatment plans should ever be the same.
Myth #20: People With BPD Can’t Recover
When BPD is viewed through the lens where an individual believes they can’t recover, this can create hopelessness for individuals living with BPD and their families.
Fortunately, with the right support and treatment, many people with BPD experience significant improvements in emotional regulation, relationship stability, self-image, and overall functioning.
Recovery doesn’t necessarily mean that these individuals will never struggle or face challenges again. But they will often have the tools, support system, coping strategies, and self-awareness to navigate through these challenges.
Treatment and Support for Borderline Personality Disorder
There is no single treatment that will work for every individual with borderline personality disorder. Instead, support for BPD tends to be individualized and multimodal. Treatment options for BPD may include:
Medication: Medications may help support co-occurring symptoms such as depression, anxiety, mood instability, or sleep difficulties.
Therapy: Dialectical behavioural therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, schema therapy, mentalization-based therapy, compassion-focused therapy, and neurodiversity-affirming therapy.
Lifestyle strategies: Sleep routines, mindfulness, emotional regulation skills, self-care practices, movement, and stress management.
Social support: Peer support groups, supportive relationships, community resources, and affirming environments.
Psychoeducation: Learning about BPD can reduce shame, improve understanding, and support recovery.
Book a Free Consultation With Blue Sky Learning
Are you living with borderline personality disorder or supporting someone who is? Do you feel misunderstood, overwhelmed, or unsure where to start?
Or do you believe the myths about BPD and want to be more supportive of a loved one with the condition?
At Blue Sky Learning, our team provides compassionate, person-centred, neurodiversity-affirming care that recognizes the complexity of emotional experiences without judgment.
Book a free 20-minute consultation with a Blue Sky Learning team member by emailing hello@blueskylearning.ca or following the link below.
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