Here’s What No One Tells You About ADHD
- Kaitlyn Boudreault
- Feb 10
- 14 min read
Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a term you have likely heard of at least once in your lifetime.
It is one of the most widely discussed and prevalent neurodevelopmental differences. In fact, approximately 366 million people globally have ADHD.
Yet despite the growing awareness and prevalence surrounding this neurotype, it remains misunderstood.
This misunderstanding is evident in the everyday statements people make about ADHD.
Maybe you have heard, “Everyone has ADHD these days,” “It’s just a lack of focus,” or “You just need to try harder or be more disciplined.”
While these statements may not be intended to cause harm, these narratives can unintentionally minimize lived experiences and continue to reinforce harmful misconceptions.
For example, these statements can continue to make ADHD feel misunderstood, or they may cause ADHDers to be labelled as lazy, careless, or “too much’ for a neurotype they can’t control.
The stigma and misconceptions behind ADHD also cause many individuals to remain undiagnosed into adulthood, particularly women and assigned female at birth (AFAB) individuals, and racialized individuals.
Without a diagnosis, there is a lack of language, support, or accommodations for the impact of ADHD on these individuals' lives.
Even if someone is privileged enough to obtain an ADHD diagnosis, many ADHDers are simply handed treatment options or medication plans without any guidance on how to implement these into their daily lives.
The good news is that there are essential truths about ADHD that can help to debunk these misconceptions and support those with ADHD.
Neurodiversity-affirming support is also available. Blue Sky Learning supports ADHDers through neurodiversity-affirming therapy, coaching, and skill-building in Ontario, Canada, and beyond.
In this section of our neurodiversity-affirming blog, we explore ADHD through a compassionate lens.
No, Everyone Does Not “Have ADHD”
In today’s digital age, it may seem like everyone experiences a lack of focus as we become more distracted by social media.
But this simply isn’t true.
While many people relate to distraction, procrastination, or forgetfulness on occasion, especially in this fast-paced, technology-heavy world.
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental difference that involves differences in multiple brain areas that impact executive functioning, emotional regulation, motivation, attention, and memory.
These differences are persistent and can impact relationships, school or work performance, self-esteem, and mental health.
Experiencing a single trait or even multiple traits of ADHD on occasion doesn’t mean that “everyone is a little ADHD.”
Reducing ADHD to a trend, personality trait, or something that people experience on occasion dismisses the impact that ADHD can have on an individual's life. It can also delay understanding and support.
A neurodiversity-affirming perspective recognizes ADHD as a valid neurological variation, not a personality flaw or trend.
ADHD Is Not a Lack of Effort
Have you fallen for the common myth that those with ADHD just lack the effort to get things done?
You’re not alone in believing this common misconception.
ADHD is often mistaken for laziness or poor discipline, especially if tasks are left unfinished or get delayed.
But the truth is that ADHD is not simply a motivation or willpower problem. It is a type of neurodivergence, which means that the brain initiates, prioritizes, and sustains tasks in the brain in different ways than would be considered “typical.”
These differences are known as executive dysfunction, which can make planning, organizing, starting, and following through on tasks feel far more difficult than they appear from the outside.
From the outside, people may see a lack of discipline.
But in reality, many ADHDers genuinely want to initiate and complete tasks, yet they feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unable to begin.
Even everyday, mundane activities, like answering emails or doing laundry, can require a significant amount of mental energy.
The gap between intention to complete a task and lack of action to do so is due to neurology, not a reflection of character or effort.
When these challenges are misunderstood as laziness, it causes ADHDers to expend as much energy as possible to meet societal expectations surrounding productivity.
This may include frequently overcompensating, hiding their neurodivergent traits, or pushing themselves to the point of burnout.
A neurodiversity-affirming perspective recognizes that ADHD reflects differences in how the brain regulates action, motivation, and follow-through, not a lack of care, responsibility, or effort.
Masking Can Impact Mental Health
From a young age, many people with ADHD may receive messages that they are “too much,” or “not trying hard enough,” or “disorganized” because people have a difficult time understanding neurodivergent brains in a world that is built against us.
Masking may occur in an effort to hide neurodivergent traits so that they can meet expectations or avoid judgments.
You may overprepare for presentations, overwork to stay ahead, use anxiety as a way to drive productivity, suppress restlessness, or imitate neurotypical productivity styles to appear organized and in control.
While these strategies may help you get by and fit in in the short term, these behaviours often require significant mental and emotional effort to maintain, which can lead to consequences that are detrimental to your well-being.
Constantly monitoring your behaviour, pushing through overwhelm, and trying to meet unrealistic standards can lead to burnout, chronic stress, self-criticism, anxiety, and confusion about one’s identity and needs.
Over time, it may also make it harder for you to recognize your own limits or ask for support.
ADHDers Often Experience Chronic Shame
Individuals with ADHD may take longer to complete tasks, struggle to meet deadlines, make careless mistakes, or have a difficult time regulating emotions.
Growing up with these challenges, you may experience repeated correction, criticism, and misunderstanding surrounding your ADHD.
When you are repeatedly called lazy or messy or told that you aren’t trying to harm enough, this message may be internalized.
These internalized messages may cause you to think that something is wrong with you or deeply rooted beliefs like “I’m lazy,” “I’m not trying hard enough,” or “I always mess things up.”
These narratives often form when you continue to struggle to meet societal expectations.
Over time, chronic shame can impact confidence, identity, relationships, and willingness to seek support.
Support for ADHD must include encouragement of authenticity, not just productivity strategies.
Hyperfocus Exists Alongside Inattention
Many people see one individual with ADHD struggling to focus and assume that ADHD is simply an inability to focus.
However, ADHD is not an inability to focus. It is a difference in how attention is regulated.
Many ADHDers can focus deeply on certain tasks that they have an interest in, especially if they include novelty, are urgent, or are emotionally engaging.
This behaviour that involves focusing deeply on key areas while struggling to focus on others is known as hyperfocus.
Hyperfocus involves the phenomenon where attention becomes intensely fixed on a task, idea, or interest for extended periods of time. During these moments, all other distractions may get put to the wayside. Productivity, creativity, and learning can also feel effortless and immersive.
When ADHDers engage in hyperfocus, it may be a strength or a challenge depending on the situation.
It can be a strength when it supports innovation, problem-solving, and passion-driven work.
At the same time, it can make it difficult to disengage, shift tasks, notice time passing, or attend to basic needs, which can cause important responsibilities to not be met or deadlines to go unaddressed.
Misdiagnosis Can Occur
ADHD usually doesn’t exist on its own.
For many people with ADHD, it co-occurs alongside anxiety, depression, autism, learning differences, trauma responses, and substance use challenges.
These experiences may occur alongside ADHD, either as a separate diagnosis or they may be a result of ADHD.
For example, ADHD is frequently misdiagnosed as anxiety, depression, or CPTSD.
This does not mean that the person doesn’t have anxiety or depression, but these experiences may be secondary to the undiagnosed ADHD.
Anxiety may have developed from years of constantly being criticized for missing deadlines or forgetting things. It may be a protective response to make sure that you meet societal expectations, which typically require us to be on time or remember important details.
Depression may also emerge in ADHDers due to chronic overwhelm or feeling misunderstood for experiencing challenges.
These experiences can also interact with one another and shape how symptoms appear and how support is needed.
For example, trauma can make emotional regulation much more difficult, and learning differences can make learning challenges that often occur with ADHD in school or work environments much worse.
When supporting ADHD, it is important to recognize that supporting only one aspect without recognizing the full picture can lead to incomplete care.
A holistic, neurodiversity-informed approach considers how these experiences intersect and influence daily functioning, identity, and well-being.
ADHD Intersects With Identity
There is not a single aspect of identity that exists in isolation. ADHD is not an exception to this.
ADHD exists within a societal context. This means that the experiences of those with ADHD are also shaped by how an individual experiences gender, culture, disability, religion, socioeconomic realities, race, and other aspects of identity.
Each of these aspects of identity shapes and influences how an individual's traits of ADHD are recognized.
For example, women, especially BIPOC and LGBTQ+ women and AFAB individuals, frequently have their symptoms dismissed because they don’t meet the stereotypical views of what ADHD should “look like.”
These populations remain frequently underdiagnosed or misdiagnosed. Many individuals in these population groups learn to mask their challenges or are labelled with other conditions before ADHD is considered.
These intersections also can affect an individual's access to care, safety to disclose neurodivergence or unmask, and the types of support that are made available to them.
Understanding ADHD through an intersectional lens helps ensure care is equitable, culturally responsive, and affirming.
Motivation Works Differently in ADHD
Motivation involves the internal or external drive that allows an individual to initiate, continue, and complete goal-directed behaviour.
For most people, behaviour is driven by importance or by long-term goals. For example, you would understand that something needs to get done because it is due in the coming days, and that putting this off could result in consequences.
However, ADHD individuals have a difficult time seeing consequences beyond the very immediate future.
ADHD motivation is instead guided by interest rather than importance. Tasks that feel meaningful, novel, or challenging are easier to engage with.
In addition, ADHD minds rely on urgency and the rush of getting things done at the last minute as a motivator to get things done.
But tasks perceived as boring, vague, or overwhelming can become difficult to initiate.
Not starting these tasks until the very last minute is not a matter of not caring. It happens because ADHDers experience differences in how the brain processes reward and stimulation.
ADHDers want to complete important tasks but struggle to initiate them without the right conditions that activate their brains' reward/motivation centres.
Understanding this difference allows for more effective strategies, such as incorporating novelty, breaking tasks into smaller steps, or connecting work to personal meaning.
ADHD Is Not Caused by Screens, Parenting, or Laziness
The exact cause of ADHD is not entirely known.
Though there are research studies showing that ADHD has strong genetic and neurological components.
We also know that ADHD is not caused by technology use, diet alone, parenting style, or a lack of discipline.
These may influence ADHD traits, but they do not cause ADHD.
Narratives that blame parents or an individual's diet can increase stigma and prevent people from seeking an assessment or support. They can also place unfair pressure on families and individuals who are already navigating complex challenges.
Recognizing ADHD as a neurodevelopmental difference encourages earlier understanding, reduces shame, and supports more effective, compassionate care.
ADHD Is Not Just Hyperactivity
The myth that someone can’t have ADHD if they aren’t hyperactive stems from the fact that early research and diagnostic criteria focused heavily on these behaviours.
As a result, the stereotypical view of ADHD that has influenced public perceptions is the picture of a young boy who appears loud or is bouncing off the walls and is unable to sit still.
Quieter presentations of ADHD that don’t show hyperactivity were often overlooked or misunderstood.
But today we understand that ADHD actually presents in multiple ways and has three different types:
Combined-type ADHD
The inattention patterns of ADHD include traits such as difficulty sustaining focus or forgetfulness.
Many individuals with ADHD may also experience internal restlessness, which means that they have racing thoughts, mental fatigue, or strong emotions that stay bottled up.
These experiences can be just as impairing to an individual's daily functioning, but they are often not noticed as ADHD because they are less visible.
The important thing to remember when using a neurodiversity-affirming approach to ADHD is that ADHD does not always “look” loud or disruptive.
Accommodations Are Not “Special Treatment”
An accommodation is the process by which employers and service providers must adapt rules and physical spaces so that individuals with disabilities have equal opportunity and access.
This duty applies in the case of ADHD, since some individuals with ADHD consider themselves to be disabled.
ADHDers may need changes to the way an environment is designed in relation to attention, organization, or productivity so that they can participate more fully.
Some helpful accommodations for those with ADHD might include
Flexible scheduling
Written instructions
Clear expectations
Reminder systems
While some people may believe that these accommodations provide an unfair advantage, this is simply not true.
The reality is that individuals with disabilities start with an unfair disadvantage or barrier(s) that need to be minimized or reduced. Accommodations remove these barriers or disadvantages to create accessibility and level the playing field so that everyone starts at the same baseline. They create access, not an unfair advantage.
When environments adapt, individuals are better able to use their strengths, sustain engagement, and avoid burnout.
Social Challenges Are Often Misunderstood
ADHD individuals communicate and have social styles that are different from societal expectations around social interactions.
Typically, people are expected to stay on topic, not interrupt, speak slowly, and remember what they are talking about.
But ADHD communication styles don’t work this way because ADHD brains are different. ADHDers may interrupt speech due to excitement or when trying to make sure they don’t forget their train of thought. They may also communicate with quick shifts between topics, intense enthusiasm, or forget to follow up.
These behaviours don’t reflect a lack of care, disinterest, or rudeness about the social interaction, but instead they reflect ADHD brain differences, including fast processing, working memory differences, or difficulty regulating attention in conversations.
When people view these differences with negative labels, it can lead to misunderstandings, and can strain relationships, and contribute to self-doubt.
On the other hand, when communication differences are understood through a neurological lens, it becomes easier to respond with clarity, patience, and mutual support.
Rejection Sensitivity Is Real
Rejection sensitivity dysphoria involves an intense emotional and painful response to real or perceived rejection, criticism, or disapproval.
These reactions tend to be overwhelming, and they can be difficult to regulate.
Despite the fact that some people believe that rejection sensitivity is a farce, it is a very real phenomenon, especially for those who experience it.
Rejection sensitivity can impact an individual's life, including relationships, self-esteem, work environments, and decision-making.
It may also lead individuals to avoid risks, overextend themselves to gain approval, or withdraw from relationships in an effort to protect themselves from perceived failure.
Some may think that this is just a weakness or an overreaction. But rejection sensitivity reflects real differences within the brain's emotional processing and regulation areas.
Support for rejection sensitivity involves validation, emotional safety, and strategies for regulation and self-compassion.
Productivity Systems Often Fail ADHDers
Traditional productivity systems that are based on societal norms tend to emphasize consistency, rigid routines, or the need for sustained attention.
But ADHD brains function differently. They tend to fund cyclically, with more natural fluctuations in energy, motivation, and focus.
When ADHDers try to force themselves into systems that don’t align with the way in which their brain operates, it can lead to consequences.
These consequences include burnout, frustration, and a sense of failure.
Sustainable support prioritizes flexibility, energy management, realistic pacing, and self-compassion.
Productivity becomes less about constant output and more about working with natural rhythms and strengths.
Practical Strategies to Support ADHDers
Supporting someone with ADHD is not about pushing someone to continue to try harder or work with systems that go against their brain without offering adequate support.
Instead, support means recognizing that ADHDers experience differences in attention, motivation, and regulation. It means shifting the focus to society rather than the individual.
Society needs to build environments and systems that work with those differences instead of against them.
Supporting ADHD involves shifting from “try harder” to “let’s create a world where everyone has what is necessary to not just survive, but thrive.”
Strategy 1: Reduce Shame
Language is an important component of everyday life, and it can have a profound impact on the way in which individuals perceive themselves and how society provides support.
Many ADHDers grow up hearing stigmatizing language about ADHD, including labels like “lazy” or “careless,” or statements to just try harder.
These messages may become internalized and lead to shame for having ADHD.
Supporting ADHD involves shifting from blaming the individual or connecting identity with productivity and instead focusing on what the individual needs to thrive.
Some examples of supportive language include language that:
Focuses feedback on system failures and how to offer support, rather than putting the blame on individual character.
Replaces “Why didn’t you do this?” with “What made this task hard to start or finish?”
Acknowledges effort, not just outcomes.
Avoids equating organization or speed with worth.
When language shifts, shame can also be reduced. This makes the nervous system feel safer, which promotes engagement, learning, and problem-solving.
Strategy 2: Provide Clarity
ADHD brains have a difficult time remembering things, or they may have a difficult time when information is ambiguous.
If instructions are vague, executive functioning challenges can make it difficult to translate these vague expectations into action.
To support the ADHD brain, consider providing:
Clear instructions rather than open-ended directions.
Written steps or checklists.
Defined deadlines and interim milestones.
Examples of what “done” looks like.
Clarity reduces the amount of effort it requires for the ADHD mind to guess and try to fill in any gaps in information, which can reduce the tendency to avoid tasks or feel overwhelmed.
Strategy 3: Support Energy Regulation
When engaging in tasks, ADHDers tend to work well when they don’t have to sit still.
ADHD is not a deficit of attention. It is often a difference in how energy and focus are regulated.
Helpful supports include:
Flexible pacing instead of rigid productivity demands.
Movement breaks or sensory regulation options.
Work cycles that alternate focus and rest.
Recognition that productivity may come in bursts, not steady output.
Sustainable engagement happens when people are supported to work with their rhythms, not forced into constant output.
Related: Spoon Theory Explained: Energy Management, Self-Compassion & Habit Stacking for Neurodivergent Minds
Strategy 4: Offer Flexible Communication
Everyone works differently in terms of what communication methods are best for them. For some, auditory processing is slower, which may make auditory conversations more difficult to process.
ADHDers may struggle with working memory, verbal processing, or responding in real time.
In these situations, support may look like:
Following verbal conversations with written summaries.
Allowing time to think before responding.
Using reminders, visual cues, or shared task systems.
Offering multiple communication formats such as text, voice notes, or email.
Flexibility in the communication methods increases access and reduces the pressure to perform on the spot.
Strategy 5: Work With Motivation Styles
It is important to understand that not everyone operates within the same motivation systems.
Motivation for ADHD is interest, urgency, or novelty-based, versus based on importance.
To support ADHDers to initiate, continue, and complete tasks, consider:
Connecting tasks to meaning or personal relevance.
Adding novelty, such as new settings, formats, or tools.
Using external accountability or deadlines.
Breaking tasks into short, engaging sprints.
Instead of framing motivation differences as a flaw that ADHDers need to fix, treat them as a system that needs to adapt and a design consideration.
Strategy 6: Normalize Accommodations
Accommodations don’t just allow neurodivergent individuals to thrive. They support me the whole time.
When everyone has what they need to succeed, the whole group benefits.
Instead of forcing ADHDers to mask and just fit into environments with significant barriers, support looks like adjusting the environment.
Environmental adjustments or accommodations for ADHD could include:
Offering flexible workspaces or sensory adjustments.
Allowing alternative organization methods.
Providing assistive tools such as timers, apps, or visual planners.
Normalizing asking for help or adjustments
Treating accommodations as an access tool, not special treatment
Strategy 7: Centre Lived Experience
You may have heard the term “lived-experience expert” before, but you may not know exactly what this means.
In simple terms, a lived-experience expert is someone who is an expert of a specific neurotype or condition because they live within it.
For example, ADHDers are experienced experts on their own needs. They know more about themselves than any textbook could tell you.
In addition, ADHDers are experts on their needs, not anyone else's, and no single strategy works for everyone.
The most effective support comes from collaboration with the individual with ADHD to come up with a personalized and individual plan.
Support for ADHD means:
Asking what helps instead of assuming.
Respecting self-knowledge and personal strategies.
Inviting feedback and adapting over time.
Recognizing intersectional experiences, including gender, culture, trauma, disability, and socioeconomic context.
When lived experience is centred, support becomes responsive rather than prescriptive.
Book a Free Consultation With Blue Sky Learning
Are you navigating life with ADHD in a world not designed for neurodivergent minds?
Or are you an educator, workplace, and leader who wants to create environments that work with ADHD brains, not against them?
Blue Sky Learning offers neurodiversity-affirming therapy across Ontario, Canada, and ADHD coaching, workshops, and skill-building support internationally.
Book a free consultation to explore the best path forward for you, your family, or your organization. Email us at hello@blueskylearning.ca or book through the link below.
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