Here’s What No One Tells You About Autism
- Kaitlyn Boudreault
- Jan 18
- 16 min read
Updated: Jan 18
You have likely heard of autism, as it is one of the most discussed and common neurodevelopmental differences. Globally, approximately 1 in 127 people are autistic. Yet despite growing awareness, autism remains widely misunderstood.
You may have heard statements such as “Autism is just a set of quirks” or “High‑functioning autistic people don’t need support.” While often well-intentioned, these comments erase the lived realities of autistic people and overlook systemic barriers.
Many autistic people grow up feeling unseen or pressured to conform to neuronormative expectations. Research suggests that between 89 and 97% of autistic adults remain undiagnosed, which leaves many without access to understanding, accommodations, or appropriate support.
Even when an autistic diagnosis is received, it can feel overwhelming. Doctors may hand over stacks of pamphlets, assessment reports, and lists of therapies, with little guidance on how these resources fit into daily life.
Beyond diagnostic criteria and clinical language, there are essential truths about autism that are rarely discussed. Understanding these realities through a neurodiversity-affirming lens helps avoid harmful misconceptions.
At Blue Sky Learning, we support autistic individuals through autism coaching and neurodiversity-affirming therapy in Ontario, Canada.
We also offer neurodiversity-affirming workshops for educators, organizations, and leadership teams to foster environments that respect diverse neurological needs.
In this section of our neurodiversity-affirming blog, we explore autism through a compassionate lens that centres lived experience.
No, Everyone Is Not “a Little Autistic”
Many people believe that “everyone is a little autistic.” While this is often well-intentioned, it is misleading and dismissive.
While someone might relate to individual autistic traits, like sensory sensitivity or social discomfort, this does not mean someone is autistic.
Autism is not simply a collection of universal experiences turned up slightly higher. It is a distinct neurodevelopmental difference, defined by persistent, lifelong differences in sensory processing, communication, emotional regulation, and social interaction.
Autistic traits are not optional, situational, or temporary for autistic people. They are integral to how a person experiences the world.
Suggesting that someone can be “a little autistic” minimizes the depth and impact of autistic experiences, erases lived realities, and can discourage seeking support. This reinforces that they should simply adapt to environments never designed for them.
A neurodiversity-affirming perspective instead recognizes the diversity of autistic experiences and emphasizes inclusion, understanding, and respect.
Masking Is a Survival Strategy, Not a Sign of Being “Almost Neurotypical”
Many autistic people learn early that their natural ways of being are not accepted. In response to social punishment, misunderstanding, or exclusion, they may learn masking behaviours early in life as a way to fit in.
Masking or camouflaging refers to behaviours autistic people use to hide or suppress their natural neurodivergent traits to meet societal expectations. This can include forcing eye contact, rehearsing conversations, suppressing stimming, or mimicking social norms.
It is not a sign of being “almost neurotypical.” It is a survival response in environments that are not designed for autistic nervous systems.
Masking Comes at a Cost
While masking can provide short-term social acceptance, long-term masking is strongly associated with autistic burnout, identity confusion, and increased depression, anxiety, and suicidality among autistic adults.
The cost of appearing “fine” is often invisible but profound. Autistic burnout, in particular, can result in severe exhaustion, skill loss, and reduced functioning.
Autism Is More Than Quirks
Autistic traits such as intense focus, sensory sensitivities, or repetitive movements/stimming are often dismissed as personality quirks.
In reality, these traits are not arbitrary. They are regulatory tools that help autistic people make sense of the world, regulate their nervous system, learn, and build their identity.
Framing these traits as optional or “quirky” dismisses their importance and can reinforce the idea that autistic people should suppress what helps them function.
Stimming Is a Regulation Tool, Not a Problem Behaviour
Stimming, such as rocking, hand-flapping, humming, or fidgeting, is a natural and adaptive response that many autistic people engage in to regulate sensory input and manage emotions.
These behaviours are not something to be fixed. In fact, attempts to suppress stimming can increase distress and emotional dysregulation, while acceptance supports emotional safety and authentic self-expression.
Support Needs Vary Among and Within Autistic People
Some people believe that those who speak, succeed in school or work, or appear socially capable don’t need support. In reality, autism does not look the same for everyone, and each person has unique support needs.
Some autistic individuals require substantial daily support, while others may appear independent yet still face executive dysfunction, sensory overload, emotional fatigue, or social exhaustion.
Support needs are also not fixed within each autistic individual. Someone who could have low support needs at one point can have high support needs in the future. Needs may fluctuate based on environment, health, stress, and life transitions.
Functioning labels fail to capture this complexity and can prevent individuals from receiving appropriate support. Whereas modern neurodiversity-affirming approaches focus on strengths-based, individualized support planning. True support is determined by how an individual’s nervous system operates in a given environment.
Autistic Joy and Strengths Are Often Ignored
Discussions about autism frequently focus on perceived deficits while ignoring strengths such as deep focus, creativity, pattern recognition, honesty, and justice sensitivity. Special interests often bring joy, regulation, and expertise.
These strengths are valuable in many fields, including technology, research, the arts, and problem-solving. Recognizing these strengths allows environments to shift from accommodation as an afterthought to inclusive design that benefits everyone.
Autism Intersects With Identity
Autism does not exist in isolation. Autistic identities intersect with race, gender, sexuality, culture, disability, and trauma, which shape experiences in unique ways.
Many autistic individuals navigate multiple overlapping identities, including neurodivergence, chronic illness, BIPOC, and living with trauma or mental illnesses. Research even suggests higher rates of gender and sexual orientation diversity among autistic populations.
These intersections can significantly influence access to diagnosis, support, and safety. For instance, autistic people who are BIPOC, LGBTQ+, or chronically ill face higher rates of misdiagnosis, late diagnosis, and inadequate support.
Affirming, inclusive care must respect the whole person, rather than support autism as a standalone identity.
Neurodiversity Is an Affirming Approach
“Neurodiversity” recognizes that brains vary naturally. The neurodiversity-affirming approach embraces acceptance over correction and views autism through the lens of celebrating differences instead of pathologizing them.
Under the neurodiversity framework, no type of neurology is inherently better or worse. We are simply different.
This perspective also shapes support: interventions and accommodations are designed to meet people where they are, rather than trying to change or “normalize” them. Support becomes about empowerment and sustainability, not correction.
Yes, You Can Say “Autistic Individual”
Language evolves. But change can be slow. Several literature pieces still use person-first language, such as “person with autism,” which emphasizes that autism is separate from the individual.
However, many autistic adults prefer identity‑first language (“autistic person”) because it reflects that autism is an integral part of who they are.
As a general guideline, use identity-first language when speaking broadly about autistic people, as it emphasizes empowerment rather than framing autism as negative. However, not all autistic individuals share this preference, and individual preferences should always be respected.
Non-Speaking Doesn’t Mean Non-Communicative
Some autistic individuals are non-speaking, meaning they speak minimally or not at all. But non-speaking does not mean non-communicative. It simply means that spoken language is not the primary or safest way that a person expresses themself.
Many non-speaking autistic people communicate using augmentative and alternative communication (AAC), such as picture boards, speech-generating devices, typing, gestures, or sign language.
These communication methods are not “less than” spoken language. They are complete, valid language styles. When environments rely only on verbal communication, non-speaking individuals are excluded, not because they lack ability, but because systems fail to accommodate different communication needs.
Recognizing and honouring non-speaking communication styles is essential for autonomy, self-expression, consent, and inclusion. Communication access is a human right, not a privilege earned through speech.
Non-Speaking Does Not Mean a Lack of Intelligence or Understanding
A common misconception is that speech reflects intelligence or comprehension. It does not. Many non-speaking autistic individuals understand language, emotions, and social connections, even if they cannot express themselves verbally.
Some demonstrate strengths in writing, art, music, math, or deep knowledge of specific interests. Some are highly articulate once they are provided with reliable, respectful communication access. Others process information more slowly or differently, which is often misinterpreted as disengagement or inability.
Assuming a lack of intelligence or understanding based on speech differences leads to infantilization, exclusion, lowered expectations, restricted access, and loss of autonomy.
People may be excluded from education, denied informed consent, misdiagnosed, or spoken about rather than spoken to. These outcomes are not caused by autism itself but by biased interpretations of ability.
It is critical to remember: communication is not intelligence, and speech is not comprehension. Respecting all communication methods allows non-speaking autistic individuals to participate fully, express preferences, and make informed decisions.
The Social Model of Disability Applies to Autism
The social model of disability emphasizes that people are disabled by societal barriers, not by their differences. For autistic individuals, this includes environments that prioritize verbal speed, tolerate sensory overload, and rely on rigid social norms.
Under this model, autism itself is not the problem. The lack of understanding, accommodations, and accessibility for diverse ways of thinking is.
By adopting this perspective, we shift from “fixing the person” to removing societal barriers, which fosters inclusion and acceptance.
Autism Doesn’t Have a Look
For decades, research focused on a narrow population, namely cisgender, white, male, speaking children, which shaped stereotypes about what autism “looks like.” In reality, anyone can be autistic, and it presents differently across gender, culture, communication styles, and life stages.
Autistic girls, women, and nonbinary individuals are often underdiagnosed or diagnosed later, as they may mask traits, navigate social expectations differently, or present in ways that don’t match outdated diagnostic templates.
Recognizing this diversity is essential for fostering inclusion, improving diagnosis, and ensuring access to supports that meet the full spectrum of autistic experiences.
Lived Experience Matters
Clinical knowledge alone is incomplete without listening to autistic people themselves, who are the true experts on their own lives. They know how autism affects their nervous system, communication styles, and daily needs.
Textbooks and manuals describe general traits, but they cannot capture individual experience.
Centering autistic voices, through advocacy, peer support, mentoring, and first-person accounts, adds depth and accuracy that clinical knowledge alone cannot provide. When clinicians ignore or dismiss these perspectives, the support they provide can become misaligned or even harmful.
Autism Is Not a Lack of Empathy
A common myth is that autistic people lack empathy, but some studies show this is false.
Instead, challenges often arise from the double empathy problem: communication differences and mismatched expression, social signalling, and interpretation between autistic and non-autistic people lead to misunderstandings.
Autistic individuals often feel deeply and connect emotionally, though their expressions may differ from neurotypical expectations. Many also report heightened justice sensitivity and emotional intensity to unfairness or societal injustice.
Autistic empathy is not absent. It is often powerful, nuanced, and expressed differently from neurotypical norms. This highlights the need to recognize diverse ways of perceiving and connecting with others.
Autism Is Not a Disease and Has No Cure
Autism is a natural variation in human neurology. Cure-based language can be harmful because it fosters shame in one's autistic identity and the assumption that autism needs to be eliminated.
Some autistic individuals may engage in masking in an attempt to hide or suppress their autistic traits. But this only reinforces the pathologizing of autism instead of support.
While autistic people may seek support for co-occurring conditions such as anxiety, ADHD, or sensory challenges, support should address co‑occurring challenges while respecting autistic identity.
“High-Functioning” Doesn’t Mean No Support Needed
Labels like “high-functioning” and “low-functioning” are misleading and often harmful.
They reduce the complex experiences of autistic individuals into a single judgment based on how comfortable, fine, or functioning someone appears to others, rather than reflecting their actual support needs.
Being labelled “high-functioning” can block access to accommodations, as it prioritizes appearances over what a person truly requires. Support should always be tailored to individual needs to ensure autistic people can thrive in all areas of life.
Social Challenges Are Frequently the Result of Communication Mismatch, Not Social Disinterest
Social challenges are often misinterpreted as a lack of skills or interest, but research highlights the double empathy problem.
Communication breakdowns occur when autistic and non-autistic individuals process, express, and interpret social information differently. For instance, an autistic person may prioritize clarity, honesty, or depth, while a non-autistic person may rely on indirect cues or social inference.
When one style is treated as the default, the other is often mislabeled as deficient. But in reality, social difficulty reflects a reciprocal mismatch, not a lack of social skills.
Autism Has a Strong Genetic Component Across Generations
While no single cause has been identified, research consistently shows that autism is highly heritable. For example, if one parent is autistic, their child is statistically more likely to be diagnosed as autistic as well.
This genetic understanding directly contradicts harmful myths that autism is caused by parenting style, vaccines, Tylenol, or modern technology. Recognizing autism as a naturally occurring variation in human neurology helps shift blame away from families and individuals, which emphasizes the importance of acceptance, accommodation, and informed support.
Autism Is Underdiagnosed in Women, Nonbinary People, and People of Colour
Historically, autism has been defined based on narrow samples, primarily white, cisgender boys. Many women, nonbinary people, and racialized individuals are often overlooked. Many autistic adults are misdiagnosed with anxiety, depression, or personality disorders.
When autistic individuals go years without a diagnosis, they may experience unmet needs, self-blame, and a lack of adequate support. Autistic burnout may result, which is frequently mistaken for mood disorders.
Addressing these diagnostic biases is essential for improving access to care and reducing long-term harm.
Autism Often Co-Occurs With Conditions
Autism frequently co-occurs with:
Anxiety disorders
Depression
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Epilepsy
Connective tissue disorders
Chronic illness
The mechanisms behind these overlaps aren’t fully understood but may reflect shared neurological pathways.
Recognizing co-occurring conditions is important: supporting only one aspect can lead to incomplete care. Comprehensive, neurodiversity-affirming assessment helps ensure support addresses the full picture rather than fragmented symptoms.
Change Requires More Energy Than People Realize
Change is a natural part of life. But it often requires far more energy for autistic individuals than for non-autistic (allistic) people.
Autistic people experience difficulty with change, even when it is minor or positive, because it demands simultaneous processing of novelty, uncertainty, and sensory input, which can be cognitively and emotionally exhausting.
Creating routines provides predictability that helps regulate the nervous system, manage sensory load, and support daily functioning.
Autistic People Often Internalize Responsibility for Systemic Failures
Society often frames autism as an individual problem, rather than addressing structural barriers.
Autistic people are encouraged to adapt without support. This continuous self-adjustment can lead to internalized self-criticism for challenges that are systemic.
Autism Often Involves Differences in Interoception
Interoception is the ability to sense internal bodily signals, such as hunger, fatigue, temperature, or the need to use the restroom.
Many autistic individuals experience reduced interoceptive awareness, which can affect daily functioning, emotional regulation, and health monitoring.
Despite its impact, interoception is rarely addressed clinically, which can leave many without guidance to navigate these signals effectively.
Accommodations Do Not Equal Special Treatment
Accommodations are modifications to environments, tasks, or processes that enable equal access. They are often misunderstood as “advantages.”
But autistic people are frequently expected to perform in environments that were never designed for their neurology. Without accommodations, they often work twice as hard to complete the same tasks.
Accommodations, such as flexible schedules, remote work, written communication, or sensory-friendly spaces, remove barriers and shift responsibility to society to create accessible environments. It recognizes that equal participation requires different forms of support.
Framing them as “special treatment” unfairly places the burden on autistic individuals. Normalizing accommodations benefits everyone.
Autism Is Not Rare
Autism is more common than many realize. Prevalence estimates have risen partly due to improved diagnostic criteria and awareness, but historically, groups such as women, racialized individuals, and older adults were often underdiagnosed.
Recognizing how common autism is reinforces the need for systemic accommodation, inclusive design, and accessible services across education, healthcare, and employment.
Autism Affects Adults Too
Autism is often framed as a childhood condition.
In reality, autistic children grow into autistic adults. Autism continues to shape how individuals experience work, relationships, healthcare, parenting, and aging.
Research and services remain focused on children, which leaves gaps in support for adults. Expanding awareness and services is essential to meet the needs of autistic adults across the lifespan.
Meltdowns Are Not the Same as Tantrums
Meltdowns are often misunderstood as tantrums, but they are two different things.
A tantrum is an outburst that is goal-directed, voluntary, and used to express frustration or get something. By contrast, a meltdown is an involuntary, intense neurological response to overwhelming sensory, emotional, or cognitive input.
Meltdowns are more likely during heightened stress or sensory overload, and they are common among neurodivergent individuals, though anyone can experience them.
Punishing or shaming someone during a meltdown can increase trauma and worsen future distress. Support should focus on safety, regulation, and recovery rather than judgment.
Autistic Burnout Is Often Misdiagnosed as Depression or Anxiety
Autistic burnout is a profound physical, emotional, and cognitive exhaustion caused by prolonged stress, masking, and unmet support needs. It is often misdiagnosed as anxiety or depression, particularly in adults labelled “high-functioning.”
But depression is fundamentally different from autistic burnout.
Unlike depression, burnout often includes loss of skills, heightened sensory sensitivity, and difficulty performing previously manageable tasks.
Treating burnout without addressing environmental stressors can worsen traits. Recognizing it as distinct from mood disorders is essential for neurodiversity-affirming support.
Late Diagnosis Brings Both Relief and Grief
Receiving an autism diagnosis later in life can bring mixed emotions.
Many feel deep validation for having language to describe lifelong experiences. But they may also experience grief over missed accommodations, internalized shame, and misunderstood struggles.
Both emotions can coexist, and affirming support allows space to process this complexity.
Social Difficulty Does Not Mean Social Disinterest
Autistic people may face social challenges, which can cause stereotypes about preferring isolation.
But autistic traits exist on a spectrum. While some may enjoy solitude, many deeply desire connection but face barriers such as social fatigue, unspoken rules, sensory overwhelm, or delayed processing.
Social difficulties often reflect the way interaction is structured, not a lack of interest in others. In accommodating environments, autistic people frequently form meaningful, rich relationships.
Direct Communication Is Not Rudeness
Autistic communication is often literal, honest, and precise. While this may be respected by some, others may perceive it as rude.
Expecting autistic individuals to always mirror neurotypical communication norms places an unfair burden on them instead of fostering curiosity and flexibility around communication differences.
Many Autistic People Learn to Distrust Their Needs
Society often invalidates autistic experiences and labels autistic people as “too sensitive,” “overreacting,” or “masking excuses.”
Over time, this can teach autistic individuals to ignore bodily signals, which can lead to overlooked hunger, fatigue, sensory overload, or emotional distress, sometimes until burnout or crisis occurs.
Neurodiversity-affirming support helps reconnect with the body, trust perception, and advocate without shame.
Not All Therapy Is Safe for Autistic People
Not all therapeutic approaches are affirming. Some, like Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA), prioritize compliance, emotional suppression, or “normalization,” which can be harmful and reinforce shame and distress.
By contrast, neurodiversity-affirming therapy emphasizes consent, collaboration, acceptance, and identity validation. The goal is to support well-being and autonomy, instead of making autistic people more palatable for society.
Processing May Be Delayed, but Deep
Autistic people may experience processing delays, where the brain prioritizes depth over speed. They may need extra time to process information and formulate responses.
Delays are frequently misinterpreted as disengagement or lack of understanding. But when pressure for immediate response is reduced, autistic people are better able to participate fully and authentically and make more informed decisions.
Advocacy Is Emotional Labour
Autistic people often bear the emotional labour of educating others, advocating for accessibility, and explaining their identity while managing sensory, emotional, and cognitive demands.
True inclusion shifts responsibility to systems, institutions, and professionals to proactively learn, adapt, and implement change, rather than relying on self-advocacy.
Executive Dysfunction Is Neurological
Executive functioning skills, such as planning, task initiation, organization, and transitions, can be challenging for autistic individuals.
Difficulties in this area are often mislabeled as laziness or irresponsibility. But executive dysfunction reflects how the brain manages goal setting, not motivation or effort.
Systemic Barriers Shape Outcomes, Not Individual Ability
Autistic adults face disproportionate challenges in employment, healthcare, and education, not due to deficits but because of systemic barriers.
For instance, autistic adults face disproportionately high rates of unemployment due to rigid workplace norms, unspoken expectations, and inflexible productivity models.
These disparities do not reflect a failure to “try hard enough” or adapt. They reflect environments that demand constant compensation. Meaningful change requires structural shifts in hiring, workplace design, education, and healthcare, rather than pressuring autistic individuals to mask, endure, or self-sacrifice to belong.
Practical Strategies to Support Autistic People
Supporting autistic individuals involves understanding that autism is not a personal failure and that autistic challenges are not theirs alone to navigate.
Instead, society and environments should provide support that respects communication preferences, allows stimming, offers sensory accommodations, avoids assumptions, and provides flexibility.
Below are practical, affirming strategies that support autistic people in sustainable and meaningful ways.
Strategy 1: Listen and Validate Experiences
Avoid assuming traits are universal. Ask open-ended questions and pay attention to individual needs. Believe autistic people when they describe their experiences, even if they differ from common stereotypes. Recognizing the diversity of autistic experiences builds trust and reduces harmful generalizations.
Strategy 2: Educate Teams and Peers
Share neurodiversity-affirming resources and challenge casual comments like “everyone is a little autistic.” Language shapes perception. Accurate terminology supports inclusion, self-understanding, and access to appropriate support. Education reduces stigma and shifts responsibility from autistic individuals to systems that need to change.
Strategy 3: Create Spaces for Authenticity
Encourage autistic individuals to express and regulate their needs openly, without fear of judgment. This includes allowing stimming, honouring communication preferences, providing sensory accommodations, and respecting boundaries. Authentic environments support mental health, sustainable engagement, and healthier relationships for everyone.
Strategy 4: Prioritize Predictability and Clarity
Predictable routines, clear instructions, and advance notice of changes reduce cognitive load and anxiety. Explicit expectations let autistic individuals focus on tasks instead of constantly interpreting unwritten social or procedural rules. Clarity supports autonomy, reduces stress, and fosters sustainable engagement in work, school, or daily life.
Strategy 5: Support Energy Management, Not Just Productivity
Autistic capacity fluctuates depending on sensory load, stress, and environment. Encourage pacing, scheduled breaks, and flexible deadlines to prevent burnout and support long-term success. Prioritizing energy management over immediate output creates sustainable engagement while respecting neurological needs.
Related: Spoon Theory Explained: Energy Management, Self-Compassion & Habit Stacking for Neurodivergent Minds
Strategy 6: Respect Communication Differences
Communication is not always verbal, fast, or socially performative. Offering alternatives, such as written responses, AAC, visual supports, or extra processing time, ensures autistic individuals can participate fully and authentically. Respecting communication differences fosters inclusion, prevents misunderstandings, and affirms individual expression.
Strategy 7: Shift From Fixing to Adapting
Support should focus on adapting environments rather than “correcting” autistic people. Adjusting systems, processes, and expectations reduces distress and removes barriers. Flexible structures benefit autistic individuals and everyone around them, promoting accessibility, well-being, and productivity.
Book a Free Consultation With Blue Sky Learning
If you are navigating life in a world not designed for neurodivergent minds, Blue Sky Learning offers neurodiversity-affirming support through international autism coaches and autistic therapists in Ontario, Canada. Services focus on developing strategies that work with your brain, not against it.
Blue Sky Learning also provides training and consultation for families, educators, workplaces, and leadership teams seeking to create accessible, inclusive environments where autistic individuals can thrive.
Book a free consultation to explore the best path forward for you or your organization.
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