Autism Doesn’t Have a Look: What People Don’t See
- Kaitlyn Boudreault
- Aug 8
- 8 min read
Updated: Oct 19
When someone says they're autistic, are there any assumptions that you make? What is the first image that comes to your mind?
Perhaps you are thinking of a non-speaking child, a socially withdrawn boy who is a math genius, or a quirky character from a show with special interests that they are deeply fixated on, such as Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory.
If this is the case, you’re not alone, as the word “autism” typically brings up outdated stereotypes surrounding autism that shape public understanding in harmful ways.
These narrow portrayals and harmful views of autism continue across media, education, and healthcare settings, despite their being decades of research showing that autism exists on a broad spectrum.
The truth is that autism is a complex neurodevelopmental difference that presents with differences in communication styles, sensory processing, and social connections that shape how autistic people perceive and interact with the world.
Each autistic individual is different in how their traits present and the intensity of these traits.
Many autistic individuals tend to engage in masking or hiding their autistic traits, which means that there are often hidden traits that you don’t see.
At Blue Sky Learning, the team of neurodiversity-affirming therapists and coaches can support autistic individuals in navigating the world as an autistic person and help society understand autism beyond the stereotypes.
In this blog, we’ll explore the common myths about autism and the hidden realities beneath the surface that often go unnoticed by society. We’ll also navigate the pathways autistic individuals can take toward authentic self-acceptance.
Autism Myths vs. Reality
Below, we will find some of the most common myths about how autism shows up and debunk these with truths that provide insights into what people often don’t see beneath the surface.
❌ Myth #1: “You’re so articulate. There’s no way you’re autistic.”
The myth that autistic people can’t be articulate stems from the false assumption that being autistic automatically means that you struggle to communicate verbally or express yourself clearly.
✅ Truth:
While some autistic individuals are non-speaking or use alternative communication, many speak and are articulate in other ways, through text or communication methods.
In addition, an autistic person can possess strong verbal skills but also experience challenges with social communication. They may find it difficult to engage in reciprocal conversations, interpret implied meaning, or express emotions authentically, especially in high-stress or unfamiliar social settings.
🔍 What You Don’t See:
Hours spent rehearsing what to say before conversations
Exhaustion after “performing” socially expected communication
The effort to decode abstract language, sarcasm, or social cues
❌ Myth #2: “You make eye contact. You can’t be autistic.”
One of the most pervasive stereotypes about autistic people is that they avoid eye contact entirely. But the truth is far more nuanced.
✅ Truth:
Autism exists on a spectrum, which means that the traits do too. This means that eye contact varies widely among autistic individuals.
Some autistic people avoid eye contact because it can feel overwhelming or painful, while others learn to force it as a social coping mechanism, even when it causes anxiety or distress.
🔍 What You Don’t See:
The internal discomfort and sensory overload are linked to eye contact.
Masking strategies are used to “appear normal” in social settings.
Anxiety or panic hides behind maintaining eye contact.
❌ Myth #3: “You laugh and joke a lot. You’re not autistic.”
Emotional expression in social situations, such as humour and sarcasm, is often misunderstood in autistic individuals. Some people mistakenly believe that all autistic individuals cannot understand sarcasm or be funny, playful, or emotionally warm.
Humour and social expressiveness are often misunderstood when it comes to autism. Some people mistakenly believe autistic individuals can’t be funny, playful, or emotionally warm.
✅ Truth:
Autistic individuals may have a different way of expressing their emotions that may look unusual based on neuronormativity. They may enjoy humour, laughter, and social connection, but prefer that social interactions be predictable and structured with a small circle of trusted people.
🔍 What You Don’t See:
The social burnout from frequent interactions
Mental effort needed to “read the room” and understand humour
Confusion or distress when faced with ambiguous or unstructured social situations
❌ Myth #4: “You don’t look autistic.”
This myth shows how far we still have to come in our understanding of neurodivergence within society. Society is still depending on visible stereotypes of neurodivergence while ignoring the more subtle ways that autism can show up.
✅ Truth:
There is no look for autism. It is a neurodevelopmental difference that affects the brain's processing of information, but not one’s outward look.
In addition, because of these stereotypes, many autistic people, especially women, AFAB (assigned female at birth), BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and people of colour, and LGBTQ+ individuals, are missed or misdiagnosed because they don’t fit the stereotypical autistic appearance.
🔍 What You Don’t See:
Lifelong masking to blend into neurotypical environments
Internal struggles with identity and acceptance
Emotional pain from being misunderstood or dismissed
❌ Myth #5: “But you’re independent. You live on your own! How are you autistic?”
Society has this false assumption that independence means that you can’t also be disabled. However, autism impacts each individual differently, and being autistic doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t be independent.
✅ Truth:
While some autistic individuals are unable to be independent, many autistic individuals are independent, work, and pursue education on their own. But they may still face daily challenges with executive functioning, sensory sensitivities, emotional regulation, and decision-making.
🔍 What You Don’t See:
Meltdowns or shutdowns behind closed doors
Exhaustion from managing sensory overload
Decision fatigue even over seemingly simple choices
❌ Myth #6: “You’re not autistic. It’s just anxiety.”
Anxiety and autism often coexist with one another, which can make people mistakenly assume that anxiety is the sole diagnosis.
✅ Truth:
Autism and anxiety do often co-occur, but they are also distinct from one another. Many autistic people experience anxiety because they have to navigate a world that is overwhelming, unpredictable, and unaccommodating for the autistic brain.
🔍 What You Don’t See:
Sensory panic in crowded or noisy environments
Coping mechanisms that may be misinterpreted as anxiety alone
❌ Myth #7: “You’re good at school. You can’t be autistic.”
People may view academic success as being incompatible with being disabled, which leads to misunderstandings around what the typical autistic student may look like.
✅ Truth:
Some autistic individuals struggle academically. But many autistic students excel academically because they may be driven by their intense special interests or perfectionistic tendencies. However, beneath the surface, they may be experiencing challenges with sensory sensitivities, executive functioning, emotional regulation, or social connection that go unnoticed.
🔍 What You Don’t See:
The exhaustion after long days in overstimulating classrooms
Perfectionism that masks anxiety and fear of failure
Hidden sensory tools or coping strategies used discreetly
❌ Myth #8: “You’re always smiling. You don’t seem autistic.”
There is this wrong assumption that a cheerful demeanor is associated with being emotionally well. But smiling may also be learned as a way to mask their autistic traits.
A cheerful demeanor is often interpreted as emotional well-being, but smiling can be a learned mask.
✅ Truth:
Many autistic individuals smile and engage in people-pleasing behaviours as a way to protect themselves against rejection and social exclusion. Masking or hiding autistic traits is especially true if authentic expressions of autistic traits are misunderstood or punished.
🔍 What You Don’t See:
Emotional distress hidden beneath the smile
Exhaustion from constant self-monitoring to appear “okay”
What Is Autistic Masking?
Masking is a form of suppressing or hiding your authentic self. It involves consciously or unconsciously hiding autistic traits or mimicking behaviours that follow neuronormativity.
This is typically done to avoid stigma, exclusion, or rejection and is a complex survival strategy that many autistic individuals learn early in life.
Masking involves consciously or unconsciously suppressing autistic traits and mimicking neurotypical behaviours to avoid stigma or exclusion. It is a complex survival strategy that many autistic individuals learn early in life.
Masking can include:
Forcing eye contact despite discomfort
Rehearsing social scripts before interactions
Smiling or nodding to hide confusion or distress
Mimicking others’ social cues or body language
While there are benefits to masking for autistic people in that it can help them navigate environments that were not built for the autistic brain, it can also often come with emotional and physical costs.
Why Do BIPOC, Women, and LGBTQ+ Folks Mask More?
Not all autistic individuals engage in masking at the same rate. It is common for those with intersecting marginalized identities to feel a heightened pressure to hide their neurodivergence due to systemic discrimination.
Women and AFAB Individuals
Women and AFAB individuals tend to be taught by social norms to be polite, accommodating, and emotionally regulated.
Some autistic traits, like repetitive behaviours or emotional outbursts due to emotional dysregulation, may be labeled as being dramatic or difficult in girls and AFAB individuals. This can contribute to masking and late or missed diagnoses among these populations.
BIPOC Individuals
Racialized autistic individuals face compounded discrimination due to the intersection of race and neurotype. Racist stereotypes can frame autistic behaviours, such as directness or flat affect, as defiance or aggression.
These misinterpretations increase stigma and trauma, which makes masking a necessary survival skill.
Many LGBTQ+ people are navigating a world where they already face pressure to conceal certain aspects of their identity. Neuroqueer (LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent) masking creates a form of double masking, which can increase the risk of autistic burnout, anxiety, or isolation.
The Emotional and Physical Cost of Hiding Autism
Masking is a necessary means of protecting oneself in harmful environments and can be helpful for creating safety in these environments.
Over time, this masking can have many long-term negative impacts on the health and well-being of the autistic individual, including:
Increased anxiety and depression
Delayed or missed diagnosis
Feelings of loneliness and alienation
Unmasking, or the process of gradually embracing and expressing your authentic self, isn’t always safe, depending on the personal and environmental factors. But if it is possible for you, it can also be deeply healing.
The Journey to Diagnosis and Acceptance
For many autistic adults, especially women and AFAB individuals, the journey to receiving a diagnosis is long and uncertain. They spend many years masking, questioning their worth, or being misdiagnosed with conditions like anxiety, depression, or personality disorders.
When they finally receive a diagnosis, it can be the turning point for offering clarity and validation. But it can also bring up a variety of other feelings, such as grief and sadness, because you may feel that you lost years to misunderstanding.
Practical Strategies for Coping and Thriving
While autistic individuals need systemic change, there are also some strategies that autistic individuals can use to find safety, including:
Creating sensory-friendly environments
Establishing predictable routines
Using assistive communication tools
Building supportive communities
Practicing self-compassion and boundaries
How Allies Can Support Autistic People
True inclusion doesn’t rely on autistic people to educate the public. Each individual in society must take personal responsibility for their education. This requires allies to:
Educate yourself beyond stereotypes.
Listen to autistic voices and experiences.
Challenge ableist language and assumptions.
Advocate for accommodations in schools and workplaces.
Create safe spaces for unmasking and authentic expression.
Book a Free Consultation
If you resonated with the autistic experiences shared within this blog, or something you care about, Blue Sky Learning offers neurodiversity-affirming therapy and coaching tailored to autistic individuals.
Whether you’re newly diagnosed, exploring identity, or navigating burnout from masking, they can support you.
Book a free 20-minute consultation by emailing hello@blueskylearning.ca or visiting the website to see if we’re the right fit for your journey toward self-understanding and empowerment.
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