Understanding Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy: Parts Work, Benefits, and What to Expect in Online Therapy in Ontario
- Kaitlyn Boudreault
- Jul 14
- 9 min read
According to a poll from the Canadian Mental Health Association, compared to only 9% of Canadians seeking help in 2020, almost one in four Canadians now pursue professional mental health support.
People seek therapy for various reasons, and one of them is feeling disconnected from oneself. You may feel as if you are stuck, overwhelmed with emotions, in a cycle of self-criticism, or struggling to understand why you react to situations in certain ways.
You might notice that one part of you wants to slow down and rest, while another part pushes you to keep achieving. One part may crave connection, while another part wants to protect you by withdrawing. One part may hold painful memories, while another works hard to keep those memories hidden.
These different examples can be understood through the lens of unique parts of ourselves. These inner parts, often thought of as managers, wounded inner children, or hidden protectors, represent different aspects of our psyche. They often carry unresolved trauma, shame, and emotional pain.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy, as an evidence-informed therapeutic approach, helps with healing by supporting individuals in understanding these different “parts” of themselves with curiosity, compassion, and self-acceptance.
For those seeking online therapy in Ontario, Blue Sky Learning has a team of Ontario IFS therapists that can support deeper self-understanding, emotional regulation, trauma healing, and a stronger connection with yourself and others.
In this blog, we’ll explore what Internal Family Systems Therapy is, how it works, who it can support, and what you can expect from an IFS therapy session.
What Is Internal Family Systems Therapy?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy is a therapeutic model that was developed by the founder of the IFS Institute, Richard C. Schwartz.
IFS views humans as consisting of a system of different inner parts, some protective and some wounded, that each have their own emotions, beliefs, memories, and roles. These parts are guided by a core Self.
Rather than seeing different parts as problems to eliminate, IFS is considered a non-pathologizing therapy approach. It does not view individuals as broken and does not see parts as something to fix.
Instead, it recognizes that just because these inner parts can sometimes be pushed into extreme roles, they also have valuable inherent qualities. Even the parts of ourselves that feel difficult often developed for a reason.
For example, a perfectionist part may have developed to help you avoid criticism, or an avoidant part may have developed in an attempt to protect you from overwhelming emotions.
IFS therapy does not focus on getting rid of the parts but rather helps you access your compassionate core Self, which knows how to heal, to develop a compassionate relationship with your parts, and help them return to healthier roles, which fosters both inner and outer connectedness.
It also provides a way to better understand your personal and intimate relationships and foster a life with the 8Cs: confidence, calm, compassion, courage, creativity, clarity, curiosity, and connectedness.
Understanding the Core Concept of IFS: Parts and Self
Within online IFS therapy, the idea is that everyone has multiple internal parts, alongside a core Self.
These parts involve different emotional states, beliefs, memories, and protective responses that influence how we experience ourselves and the world.
The goal of IFS therapy would be to strengthen your connection with your core Self, which is the part of you that has the natural capacity for healing, compassion, and inner leadership.
Your core Self is considered to be composed of eight C’s and 5 P’s. The eight C’s consist of:
Confidence: A sense of inner trust and belief in your ability to navigate challenges.
Calmness: The ability to approach experiences with steadiness rather than feeling controlled by intense emotions.
Creativity: Accessing flexibility, curiosity, and new perspectives.
Clarity: Understanding your emotions, needs, and experiences with greater awareness.
Curiosity: Approaching yourself and your internal experiences with openness rather than judgment.
Courage: Having the willingness to explore difficult emotions and experiences.
Compassion: Offering kindness and understanding toward yourself and your parts
Connectedness: Feeling more connected to yourself, others, and your values.
The five P’s are the qualities that represent the way we can show up when we are connected to our core Self and able to approach our experiences with the 8 C’s. The five P’s consist of:
Presence: Being fully connected to the current moment and aware of your internal experiences without becoming overwhelmed by them.
Patience: Allowing yourself and your parts the time and space needed for healing.
Perspective: Allows you to step back and view your experiences with greater clarity and understanding.
Persistence: The ability to continue showing up for yourself, even when healing feels challenging.
Playfulness: The ability to approach yourself, experiences, and healing with openness, creativity, and curiosity.
IFS suggests that the core Self is who you truly are. The therapy process promotes coordination of all the C’s and P’s that make up your core Self. Individuals can learn to strengthen these qualities, build trust with their internal parts, and develop a more balanced and connected relationship with themselves.
The Three Main Types of Parts in IFS Therapy
Within IFS therapy, there are three main types of parts, referred to as managers, firefighters, and exiles. All of these parts can develop protective roles, especially after you have been through difficult experiences, stress, or trauma.
Firefighters
The firefighter parts of ourselves are those protective aspects of ourselves that are activated in response to a trigger. These parts often seek to quickly reduce distress and escape painful feelings.
Firefighters may respond by:
Impulsive behaviours, such as the use of substances
Distracting yourself from difficult emotions
Overworking
Impulsive behaviours
Avoiding difficult conversations
IFS helps individuals understand what these parts are protecting them from, rather than judging their responses.
Managers
Manager parts are the parts of you that act as proactive protectors. They try to prevent painful experiences from happening in the first place by controlling situations, planning ahead, or keeping everything organized.
For example, the inner critic who consistently tries to prevent mistakes by being hard on yourself, or the planner who constantly prepares for the future to try to avoid anything bad happening.
These parts can create distress, even though they were intended to be protective.
Exiles
Exile parts are the parts that carry the painful emotions, memories, shame, fear, or harmful experiences from the part. They hold onto the childhood wounds, feelings of rejection, experiences of being excluded, and any trauma-related emotions.
The managers and the firefighters both work to keep the exiles from overwhelming you with traumatic memories.
How Does Internal Family Systems Therapy Work?
IFS therapy is a six-step process that focuses on helping these parts feel understood, supported, and released from the burdens they have carried.
You will work to create a compassionate relationship with your internal world. Your therapist will help you explore how your emotions and experiences are communicated, rather than trying to fight against these difficult emotions.
A typical IFS process may include 6 steps.
Find
The IFS process often starts by turning your attention inward to your internal world. This may occur through the process of meditation. You will begin by paying attention to your bodily sensations and identifying what part of you wants attention.
This may be an emotion, physical sensation, thought, or reaction. For example, “I notice a part of me feels anxious before meetings.” If you have ever experienced an upset stomach or vomiting because you are anxious, this helps you understand the connection between the mind and the body and how they work together to shape our emotions and experiences.
Focus
After finding the part of you that wants attention, you will focus your attention on this part with curiosity.
Fleshing Out
Once you have found and focused on the part that wants attention, you can now begin to learn more about this part using curiosity.
Through curiosity, you are exploring:
What does this part believe?
When did it first appear?
What emotions does it carry?
Does it represent me at a particular age?
What does it need?
What is this part trying to do for me?
Feel Toward
Begin to explore your relationship with the part. Ask yourself, “How do I feel about this part?” Do you feel frustration toward it? Fear? Compassion? Shame? This understanding will help you build self-awareness and will support your therapist in understanding how big or small a role this part plays in your life.
Befriend
After exploring your feelings toward the part, the befriending part can be the hardest step. This involves seeing how the part takes shape in your life and creating a more compassionate relationship with the part. This step involves accepting that the part is there but allowing it to go. To do this, you may have to befriend the part and help it feel safe enough to let go of extreme roles.
Fear
During the process of befriending, you will learn what the fears are of this part of you and what this part fears would happen if it stopped protecting you. Ask yourself, “What are they afraid will happen without their presence in your life?” Many protective parts have been working hard for years and may need reassurance before they are willing to change.
What Can IFS Therapy Help With?
IFS therapy can help with a variety of life experiences, such as:
Grief and loss
Relationship challenges
Shame and self-criticism
Inner conflict and decision-making challenges
It can also help to treat various mental health conditions, including:
Trauma and complex trauma
Eating disorders and body image issues
Substance use disorders
Because physical health and emotions are also closely linked, IFS may also be beneficial for managing chronic pain and the stress and emotions related to chronic illnesses, such as rheumatoid arthritis.
IFS may not be appropriate for patients with severe mental illnesses that involve psychosis or paranoia, such as schizophrenia.
Research on IFS is still developing, but early studies suggest potential benefits for conditions including depression and PTSD symptoms. A 2021 study found that IFS therapy led to significant decreases in PTSD symptoms in adults who had experienced childhood traumas. More research is needed to understand its effectiveness across different concerns and populations.
IFS Therapy and Neurodivergence
For many neurodivergent individuals, traditional therapy approaches that focus solely on behaviours may feel invalidating.
A neurodiversity-affirming therapy approach recognizes that you developed those coping strategies you currently have for a reason.
For example, your avoidance may have developed after repeated experiences of overwhelm.
IFS therapy can provide a compassionate framework for exploring these patterns without shame.
For autistic or AuDHD individuals, or those with ADHD or other neurodivergent experiences, IFS may support the following:
Greater self-understanding
Improved emotional regulation
Increased self-compassion
Understand masking and increase self-acceptance
What to Expect During an Online IFS Therapy Session in Ontario
If you are beginning virtual therapy in Ontario, during the first IFS session, you and your therapist will usually cover the basics of the 6-step process, alongside getting to know one another and determining whether you are a fit to work together.
Your therapist will also ask questions to understand your needs and goals, build safety, learn more about your experiences and current emotional challenges, and know what you hope to get out of therapy.
As therapy progresses, you may begin exploring different parts of yourself through guided reflection and talk therapy. You will work with your therapist to strengthen connections between your parts.
Different therapists may use different techniques; however, an online IFS session may include:
Mindfulness or grounding exercises
Exploring emotions and body sensations
Understanding internal conflicts
Developing self-compassion practices
IFS is collaborative, meaning you and your therapist work together at a pace that feels appropriate for you.
During this process, you may feel discomfort, fear, shame, or anger when focusing on your inner core Self. It is important to let your therapist know, as they can help guide you to manage these emotions and develop healthy coping strategies to respond to them.
Benefits of Internal Family Systems Therapy
The benefits of IFS therapy need to continue to be studied. However, there is currently some evidence that it can help:
Promote self-compassion
Improve emotional regulation
Develop greater self-awareness and understanding of the self
Empower people to achieve an internal balance through self-leadership
View depressive symptoms not as a diagnosis but as a normal reaction to life stressors and trauma
How is IFS Different From Traditional Talk Therapy?
Traditional talk therapy often focuses on thoughts, behaviours, symptoms, or experiences.
IFS includes these elements while also exploring the internal relationships between different parts of yourself.
For example, talk therapy may ask you why you keep doing something or how to get rid of a feeling, whereas IFS actually tries to understand what that part of you is trying to protect you from or what a specific feeling is needing you to understand.
This compassionate approach can help individuals move from self-criticism toward self-understanding.
Frequently Asked Questions About IFS Therapy
Is Internal Family Systems Therapy evidence-based?
IFS is considered an evidence-informed approach. Research is emerging, with early studies showing promising results for areas such as trauma, PTSD symptoms, depression, and self-compassion. More research is needed.
Can IFS Therapy be done online?
Yes. Many therapists offer online IFS therapy in Ontario through secure virtual platforms. Online therapy can provide accessible support from the comfort of your own space.
Who can benefit from IFS Therapy?
IFS may benefit individuals experiencing anxiety, trauma, relationship challenges, self-criticism, emotional overwhelm, and those wanting deeper self-understanding.
Do I need a trauma history to try IFS?
No. While IFS is often used in trauma therapy, anyone can benefit from exploring their internal experiences, emotions, and patterns.
Book a Free Consultation with Blue Sky Learning
Do you feel disconnected from yourself, overwhelmed by emotions, or stuck in patterns that no longer serve you?
Internal Family Systems Therapy may help you develop a deeper understanding of yourself and your experiences. At Blue Sky Learning, our team of Ontario therapists provides neurodiversity-affirming and trauma-informed online therapy in Ontario to support individuals in building self-awareness, self-compassion, and meaningful change.
Email hello@blueskylearning.ca, or click below to schedule your free 20-minute consultation.
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