ADHD Beneath the Surface: What People Don’t See
- Kaitlyn Boudreault
- Jul 28
- 8 min read
Updated: Oct 18
When you think of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), what first comes to mind for you?
For many people, the word ADHD may bring up an image of a hyperactive and fidgety child who bounces off the walls, blurts out answers in class, or constantly interrupts people.
This stereotype of ADHD persists across media outlets and in public, even though there is a growing body of research that shows how inaccurate and incomplete it is.
The reality is that living with ADHD is often far more complex, quiet, and hidden beneath the surface.
ADHD is also a common neurotype that affects about 4-6% of Canadian adults in different ways. It shapes how individuals navigate the world and experience attention, memory, and emotions.
For many, especially those who internalize their traits and hide them through masking, ADHD remains invisible for years.
At Blue Sky Learning, the team of neurodivergent-affirming therapists and coaches works with clients navigating ADHD in all its diverse forms.
They believe in digging deeper than the surface level so that society understands the full picture of what ADHD looks and feels like in daily life.
As you navigate this blog, you’ll dive into the hidden aspects of ADHD that are often hidden beneath the surface due to societal myths and the emotional toll that hiding your authentic self (masking) has on individuals with ADHD.
ADHD Myths vs. Reality
Below are some of the most common misconceptions about ADHD that are debunked to uncover the truth and the hidden realities that often go unnoticed.
❌ Myth #1: "You can't have ADHD because you were/are a straight-A student."
This myth stems from the common belief that ADHD always impairs academic performance. As a result, many people believe that if you are performing well in school, you are “fine” emotionally and mentally. But this belief ignores the fact that many ADHDers overcompensate through perfectionism, hyperfocus, and fear-driven motivation.
✅ Truth:
Despite this common myth, the reality is that many individuals with ADHD do well academically. This is not because their ADHD is absent, but because they are working twice as hard to manage it and make sure they are on top of their schoolwork. Being on top of things involves obsessing over the details, staying up late rewriting papers, or feeling a deep fear of failure or rejection, often tied to rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD), that drives them to overachieve.
🔍 What You Don’t See:
Late-night breakdowns due to perfectionism
Rewriting the same assignment over and over
Hiding behind the "good student" mask to feel safe or worthy
❌ Myth: "You're not hyper, so you can't have ADHD."
This myth is one of the most pervasive misconceptions surrounding how ADHD presents. The name for ADHD includes “hyperactivity.” Due to this, many assume that all ADHDers must be visibly hyperactive, energetic, and impulsive.
✅ Truth:
ADHD consists of three types: inattentive, hyperactive-impulsive, and combined. The inattentive type is often the kind that goes unnoticed and remains quiet, reserved, and distracted. For those individuals with inattentive ADHD, they may face challenges with focus, daydreaming, or internally fidgeting without showing any outward signs. Because the symptoms here don’t align with the traditional hyperactive stereotype, these individuals are often misdiagnosed or overlooked, especially women, those AFAB (assigned female at birth), BIPOC, and LGBTQ+ individuals.
🔍 What You Don’t See:
Constant mental chatter and restlessness
Zoning out to cope with overwhelm
Holding everything in to avoid judgment
❌ Myth: "You're too organized to have ADHD."
ADHD is often misunderstood as being synonymous with disorganization. As a result, people wrongfully assume that if someone appears tidy or punctual, they can’t have ADHD.
✅ Truth:
ADHDers may develop rigid structures and routines to allow them to function. These systems are usually created due to necessity rather than preference. They help with forgetfulness, time agnosia, and overwhelm. As a result, people may see the organization on the outside. But the mental load that comes from maintaining these systems is usually invisible.
🔍 What You Don’t See:
The anxiety that erupts when plans change.
The energy it takes to keep everything "just right."
Shame when the structure collapses, even briefly.
❌ Myth: "You're an adult now, so your ADHD should be gone."
There is a common belief that ADHD is a childhood condition and something that people grow out of. As a result, people may think that you can’t have ADHD if you are now an adult.
✅ Truth:
ADHD is not just a phase, and it doesn’t just go away with time. It’s a lifelong neurodevelopmental difference. While the symptoms of ADHD may shift as a person ages, they usually intensify in adulthood because a person has increased responsibilities, a lack of structure, and chronic stress.
Adults with ADHD tend to feel overwhelmed by tasks that others may manage with ease, such as returning emails, paying bills, or staying on top of housework.
🔍 What You Don’t See:
The unopened mail and laundry piles
The hours spent masking at work.
The guilt for being "behind" despite trying so hard
❌ Myth: "You're always on time, so how can you have ADHD?"
These myths tend to associate punctuality with the absence of executive dysfunction, which is a common challenge for individuals with ADHD. If someone can meet deadlines and arrive early, people tend to assume they can’t be experiencing challenges.
✅ Truth:
Over the years, ADHDers tend to look down upon themselves when they are late and people criticize them. As a result, some ADHDers develop time anxiety and become fearful of being late due to the backlash they will receive. This leads to overpreparation. They become hyper-punctual as a coping strategy to avoid this judgment or social rejection. These strategies may get the individual to become punctual, but they are not evidence that ADHD isn’t present.
🔍 What You Don’t See:
Setting three alarms to avoid being late
The panic when one thing throws off the schedule
The crash afterward from overexertion
❌ Myth: "You run a successful business. You can't have ADHD."
There’s a false belief among society that you can’t be successful if you are experiencing challenges. This is true even if success is kept only to one area. People assume that if you run a business, ADHD isn’t possible.
✅ Truth:
Many ADHDers choose entrepreneurship because the traditional workplace is not suited to their ADHD mind. Entrepreneurship allows for creativity, autonomy, and flexibility, which can suit some individuals with ADHD. But just because someone succeeds in the business world, it doesn’t mean it is easy. Many entrepreneurs with ADHD face executive dysfunction, burnout, and decision fatigue daily.
🔍 What You Don’t See:
The multitasking chaos behind the scenes
Forgetting invoices or double-booking meetings
Needing frequent breaks to avoid burnout
❌ Myth: "You remember things well—you can’t have ADHD."
Because individuals with ADHD tend to have their short-term or working memory impacted by their neurotype, this can lead people to assume that all forms of memory are impacted.
✅ Truth:
ADHD primarily affects working memory. This is the brain's ability to hold and manipulate information in the short term.
But some individuals with ADHD still have good long-term memory. This means that with long-term memory still intact, you can remember a childhood story in vivid detail but still forget what you were saying mid-sentence.
🔍 What You Don’t See:
Forgetting names seconds after introductions
Losing your train of thought mid-conversation
Missing appointments despite writing them down
❌ Myth: "You finish your projects, so you're doing fine."
People may assume that if someone can complete their projects, this isn’t typically how ADHD looks, so the person can’t possibly have ADHD.
✅ Truth:
For many ADHDers, projects can be finished when they enter a state of hyperfocus. Hyperfocus allows ADHDers to focus on a task for hours while sometimes neglecting basic needs like food, sleep, or hygiene. This state of hyperfocus can lead to what looks like productivity, but a person may also experience crashes, burnout, and emotional fallout afterward.
🔍 What You Don’t See:
The pile of half-finished tasks left behind
The physical toll of staying up all night to complete something
The emotional crash that follows a burst of productivity
❌ Myth: "You’re so friendly and outgoing. You can’t have ADHD."
People often assume that if a person is extroverted, they must be emotionally regulated and skilled socially, and that they can’t be neurodivergent.
✅ Truth:
Many ADHDers excel at being conversational. They are social and expressive. But this doesn’t mean there aren’t challenges. Under the surface may lie social masking, rejection-sensitive dysphoria, and emotional dysregulation.
Individuals with ADHD who are outgoing may feel pressure to perform in social settings.
🔍 What You Don’t See:
Replaying conversations for hours
Anxiety about saying "too much"
Needing downtime to recover from social overwhelm
Masking involves the conscious or unconscious suppression of ADHD traits to fit in with societal norms in social, academic, or professional environments.
It can include:
Forcing eye contact
Mimicking organizational habits
Overcompensating with perfectionism
Downplaying needs or fatigue
As an ADHDer, you may have learned masking early in life as a protective mechanism if you were excluded, punished, rejected, or criticized for your ADHD traits. Maybe you were told they were “too much,” “too sensitive,” or “too disorganized,” and decided to hide your authentic self as a result.
Why Do BIPOC, Women, and LGBTQ+ Folks Mask More?
Masking isn’t something that all ADHDers do equally. Those who are a part of intersecting marginalized identities have experienced systems that make hiding their neurodivergence the only safe and protective thing to do.
Women and AFAB Individuals
Women are often taught to be polite, nurturing, and self-controlled. As a result, when women and AFAB individuals show signs of impulsivity or disorganization, they may be labelled as dramatic, irresponsible, or lazy. This can cause many within the population group to learn to mask their ADHD traits. In turn, many women and AFAB individuals experience late or missed diagnoses.
BIPOC Individuals
For Black, Indigenous, and Racialized People, ADHD traits are often misinterpreted through racist stereotypes and may be seen as defiance, laziness, or aggression. As a result, BIPOC are at greater risk of punishment in schools and workplaces. Masking becomes a means for survival in environments that are unsafe and where difference is penalized.
Many LGBTQ+ folks mask parts of their identity to avoid discrimination. ADHD masking is another layer to this, which can lead to double or triple masking. This increases the risk of anxiety, depression, and burnout. Safety and acceptance are sometimes conditional for these populations, so many choose silence over visibility.
The Cost of Hiding ADHD
Masking can be a safety mechanism that is essential for surviving. It can also come with a variety of costs, including:
Chronic exhaustion
Misunderstanding by professionals
Burnout from "high-functioning" expectations
Unmasking is not always possible or safe. Every individual has to decide what is best for themselves and knows themselves best. But if unmasking is part of your healing journey at this time, it may lead to deeper self-compassion, understanding, and healing.
Book a Free Consultation
If any of this resonates with you, know that your unique experience of ADHD is valid. It is not defined by outdated myths that try to fit you into a box.
At Blue Sky Learning, ADHD coaching and therapy are provided in a neurodivergent-affirming environment.
If you’re exploring a diagnosis, navigating burnout, or trying to unmask in safer spaces, book a free 20-minute consultation by emailing hello@blueskylearning.ca or checking out the link below to see if we are a fit to work together.
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